Yeah so it’s rained a little bit!!!
few drops here and there and some small lakes appearing
around the country along with refreshed rivers (and some
new one’s)!! and where are the Insurance companies?
– you got it. Ran off to the high ground!! Typical……….
snow flake appeared in London and Heathrow was closed,
they cancelled dozens of flights. Thousands didn’t
even try to get to work, and the Fog? Well, that didn’t
help did it?
I loved a comment from a “Spokesperson” at
Heathrow during the Fog interlude when ‘it’
was quoted as saying “It’s better to cancel
flights and allow bigger gaps for landing aircraft as
they need more time between them to clear the runway”??
you’re sat in 34C and even the cabin crew is nowhere
to be seen that’s very reassuring –NOT
the rains went away and for a while the big yellow blobby
thing appeared in the sky and all was well. It gave the
ground a chance to er……………recover
you notice the rather excellent comments from the water
won’t make much difference to the drinking water
supplies”? and “Some reservoirs will need
many more weeks of this weather to recover their capacities”?
that to the flood victims
peach of them all? “The rivers were bound to burst
their banks because the rains were centered on the high
ground that feeds them”?
these people actually collect a salary every month
then where did these brilliant individuals go?
– you got it – to join the insurance companies
on the high ground
temperatures dropped. A mini freeze hit the house on the
hill (not just us of course – that would be unfair)………as
The Dearest One said to me one morning “It was minus
a temperature last night and it’s very frosty this
ground will be very hard, no more mud and gunge for a
haste, fetch logs and firelighters and matches and materials
sounded like some demented “Spokesperson”
came this little gem………
the season of Rugby tournaments and I have decided to
organise such an event for the dogs”!!!!
WHAT”? I calmly asked
I’ve organised an International Canine Rugby Sevens
five a side”
- with jaw down by my knees………????????????
we only have ONE French Dog and Seven Italians”
yes, I’ve thought about that”
Springer will play for France”
he’s English” “And that’s still
only two of them against seven”
who’s going to referee this event”?
he’s Hungarian and they don’t even know what
how do we have a SEVEN’S Tournament five a side”?
up – you’re just complicating things with
your stupid questions”
be fun” she said walking off………
took me hours to reconcile this maze of female logic……..and
I still failed
so it began…………..
a Frosty afternoon somewhere on a hill in Wales where
it had stopped raining and from nowhere a big yellow blobby
thing appeared in the sky and the ground was white with
Frost because there was a night of minus temperatures
and we are playing to a capacity crowd of 2 or 3 including
the referee, was an International Canine Rugby Sevens
Five a side tournament.
such joy……..it bought a tear to my eye, or
several actually – it was bloody cold!!!!
Then the referee appeared!!!!!
and just what the hell is Rugby”???
“And more to the point, why am I wearing this ridiculous
“And I ate the whisssstle”
then there wasn’t a referee………
– ABSOLUTELY NOT”
“I’ve took it off, chewed it up and binned
“And and and, I’ve no idea what this is all
“You referee it, I’m freezing my bits off
and I’m going back into the warm”
“You’re all idiots”
“And why do I keep whistling when I talk”?
no referee this changed things slightly!!!
will referee it” said The Dearest One!!!!!!!!!!
– but, you don’t know anything about Rugby
except it’s a game played by men with odd shaped
I know………it’s played by women
as well, but let’s not push it eh!!!
so there we were dear reader(s)?
was nominated sponge man and magic spray merchant and
The Dearest One would referee this canine tournament………
one thing remained??
will explain the rules of the game to ALL the dogs except
the Hungarian wimp who’s back inside in the warm”
until the whistle goes through him, just ignore the whistling
– it’s him barking”!!!!
Two Captains led their teams onto the pitch……………..
France……Fearsome and then some Claude Barbet
Italy………JJ ‘The Don’ Spinone
tried (not very hard) to explain the rules of the game
to them all. But it got lost in translation somewhere
down the line!!!
all hell broke loose…….within seconds there
were no teams and it turned it into a free for all –
the referee screamed at me for more tea………
was whistling coming from the house!!!!
sprayed myself to ease the pain and sat on the sponge
Canine Rugby tournament was in full play and for your
entertainment and with full commentary here are the highlights
of the match………
you miss this you can catch it again on Match of The Day,
BBC Sports 4 hosted by Harry Houndaker and Hansen Terry-er
THE GAMES HIGHLIGHTS, IT’S OVER TO OUR COMMENTATOR
SPONGE BOB SPRAY PANTS
you Harry and welcome everyone to today’s Canine
Rugby International Sevens five side anything goes by
teams are all on the pitch and the referee has blown her
whistle and we’re off………
Italians take early possession but The French Captain
is leading by example going in for the tackle
But a brilliant interception by Freya stops a potential
have no idea where the ball is and I’m not sure
I care either because it’s obvious they’ve
lost it in the ensuing scrum……….
“Well, who does have it then”?
makes the break with a cunning move that deceives them
all except Claude who is quickest to respond and chases
shot of Claude with a flying tackle – made even
more spectacular by the fact the Springer took the ball
ages ago!!!! You can see Claude looking over at the Springer……….and
thinking “Don’t care, I’m French and
Springer sees his chance to grab the ball from Freya who’s
god this is so exciting and so cold, I need the toilet…….when’s
referee looks at her watch and signals for a cup of tea……we’re
into added time here in the first half at the House on
the Hill Stadium of chaos
Springer playing in the prop forward backward dead centre
position on the left was so quick and heads for the try
line to score. This was so unexpected – Gosh
giant leap for canine kind and the Springer scores the
first try of the game……oh I’ve just
got to see him kick for the extra points!!!!!!!
The Springer runs clear and celebrates his try as the
others can only look on and wish……for what
I don’t know but that was a blow to the French and
the Italians and neither saw it coming – superb
finish from the English Springer
at half time it’s England 5, France 0 and Italy
0……..and over to you Harry back in the studio
that has certainly set up something to look forward to
in the second half and a great try from the English Springer”
that, quick thinking a great run down the middle”
of tea now I think”…………..
back in the changing rooms where the teams are enjoying
their half time team talk and Orange slices………the
trainer – Oh, and that’s naughty I notice
the referee is in their as well and handing out the team
talk and the Orange slices, now that is unconventional
to say the least.
having said that, this is a dysfunctional family anyway
so nothing should surprise us, but we’ll have to
check the rule book to see if this legal. And of course
it isn’t – but who cares!!!
“And Claude I want you out on the left wing and
try and make it look like you know what you’re doing,
if you could have left Freya alone for a second The Springer
might not have Sprung”!!
mind my fingers will you……..”
steady I’ve only got……er, four fingers
away…….it’s half time and I need a P
& P – Oh God, that’s better - oh go away
about that, couldn’t really get into that first
half – a little too energetic for me……..
Second half………Oh God help us
teams (if you can call them that) are back out on the
the referee blows her whistle for the start of the second
half and we’re immediately into the action, tails
up and if I’m not mistaken that idiot is heading
in the wrong direction!!!
and a clever decoy move there and surely this must be
a try early in the second half, quite a brilliant move………
Oh no wait a minute…….what a sensational tackle
by Freya and surely my dog of the match if she keeps this
this does Freya and she clears the ball and makes a break
for the try line and she scores….brilliant move,
she was never going to be caught
the score goes to England 5, France 0 and Italy 5
there’s chaos over in the far corner to our right
as the ball goes out of play and despite some late tackling
and general interference with play it looks like the ball
is nowhere to be seen and this would be a tragic end to
a great match played here today in front of no crowd at
all except the referee and Sponge Man Spray Numb
was then I heard the referee issue orders……
off the pitch and will the idiot wearing the sponge and
drinking from the spray can please go and find the ball”
so off I strode with some helpers to go and find the ball!!
then, I think it went under here, might be a bit further
on I’ll just move back and have a look”
that a mole hill or the start of a man sized mole trap
to fall into?”
Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear………..it does appear
that both the ball and the Sponge Man Spray Numb have
disappeared bringing the game to an abrupt and rather
from all of us in the studio it’s Goodbye from the
Stadium of stupidity somewhere in deepest Wales.
be back soon I hope!!!!!
care out there and be careful who you play ball games