These are the adventures of the Starship Barbet to boldly go where no dog has gone before!!

Captain Slog, Stardate: 02.03.2014

We have re-entered orbit around the planet of Francois in Northern Europe and will shortly be beaming down to the planet’s surface to explore for more of their precious metal? (Dilithium Crystals)………..this is the journal of Captain Slog and his trusty sidekick Anouk Spock.

And so to the end of the expedition……..?? We found what we came here for, Spock and myself with our Dilithium Crystals


Captain Slog
Anouk Spock

It was an arduous and long journey through space and time but in the end we successfully got what we went there for. The illusive Dilithium Crystals and me being the Captain I got two of them and Spock got just the one!! Sorry, Anouk got just the one!!

But just what led to this expedition and how did we adventure through space and time to arrive at the above? Well I will tell you directly from Captain Slog:

We left our HQ in Wales aboard the Starship Barbet and travelled across space at Warp Factor 4…… your world that’s about 120kms/hr or about 70mph!! Honest (ish)

We knew at some point we would reach deep space and would need to dock with the Mother Ship to take us onwards towards Planet Francois

Time has no meaning when you’re sleeping and travelling through space and for me and Spock it was no different as we were woken up from a deep sleep when we entered the atmosphere close to the Mother Ship. From such a long journey it was obvious that we would need to ensure that our internal contents were relieved from us and so we went to the Mother Ships Relief Centre to do our thing, as you do of course!!!

Mother Ship Relief Centre

It is in here that we spent some time sniffing around and generally lifting our leg or squatting and in the latter case this is what Spock does on her planet. How odd!!!
The ‘but’ to this is that on our planet it had rained (oh what a surprise) and we got a little muddy!! and that of course did cause a few issues with the Commander of the Starship Barbet!!
I don’t think she was too pleased with us……..Que cera

Anyway, it was a relief (literally) to be able to get out of the man made atmosphere of the Starship Barbet and have a stretch and a walkabout. Incidentally, just in case you’re wondering? The gravity fields here are the same as Urf? You don’t just aimlessly float round in a silly suit saying things like “copy that Houston” or “Set phasers to stun”

Instead you get the “come on, hurry up and finish, we have to board the Mother Ship soon”

Soon we closed in on the Mother Ship and we knew we were heading into space and would have to prepare for time travel.

Space Shuttles, Shuttling to Enter the Mother Ship

There were several space shuttles waiting to dock with the Mother Ship and we were one of many that were waiting in line for the shuttling to the shuttle!! It’s amazing really to think that here in deep space there are so many shuttles waiting to warp over to the final frontier…….I know what you’re thinking here?? This idiot is trying to make the channel crossing sound like something it isn’t – well let me tell you urfling, that if I had been so sensible would you still be reading this??

If you think I am mad let me ask you a question??

You’re still reading this……so who is mad now!!!! :)

And anyway, you’ve got lots of pictures to look at so it can’t be that bad can it? Can it??

Where was I – oh yes, the entrance to the Mother Ship……

Suddenly the shuttles were boarded one by one and we were called down into the cargo hold to get into our position for the time warp through into another dimension!! Which is a rather ridiculous way of telling you that we were about to cross over into Francois…….hmmmmmm perhaps that is in another dimension!!

Our Turn to Enter the Mother Ship’s Cargo Hold

Once on board the journey through time and space goes very quickly and smoothly about almost nearly but not quite an hour from boarding to leaving.

On Board the Mother Ship

Then suddenly the whole thing changes as we enter another world, the language is different and this species of people are friendly and treat us very well – and as we originate from this strange world we are not surprised by the way they treat us as one of their own.

It has not gone unnoticed that a French Barbet in Francois by implication has some connection with the place……oh I give in here. Do I have to explain everything? Good grief

Pet Passport Office

Refreshment and Duty Free

Then of course there are the usual administration things to go through like passports and ‘pet passports’ and of course when you hit the open road the ‘Toll’!!!

Now if you don’t have Le credit card and the system only allows for cards then it is obvious that you do not drive down that lane at the Toll, instead you should look for the booths were you can pay by cash, but oh no not our Commander AND if you don’t speak the language then the issue gets worse!!

However, I am sure that the Commander of the Starship Barbet is not the only one without Le Credit card and so through sign language, pointing at French Barbets on board Starship Barbet and laughing along with the situation you eventually get to be allowed onto the toll road. Merci!! Embarrassment or what!!!

Later on we arrived at our encampment for the night.

Cheap and Cheerful

I have no idea where the Commander slept but for me and Spock we had a fantastic bed arranged for us both!!

Me and Spock Enjoying OUR Bed!!

Spock Anouk took this Shot Before Joining Me On OUR Bed

That night before going off to sleep, we all went for a splendid exploration and walkies around the encampment and you won’t believe this but even on this planet they have food similar to ours and the Commander headed for it as well. I think what shocked us was that they called it by the same name as we have on our planet – McDonalds!!!! Amazing

I don’t have a picture of this as I think (and I’m guessing here of course) that you may be familiar with such establishments!!

The Commander, Spock and me on an exploratory expedition to the centre of food excellence that goes by the name of McDonalds……no Mayo on my
Burger next time though

The next day we all went off to the Exposition Canine Nationale which as I understand it is where the Dilithium Crystals are kept and in order to get one you have to be win – and guess what peeps? I did as well and they happily gave me a Dilithium Crystal – how cool is that
Then it was over to the vet (Aaarrrgggghhhhh) they have those creatures here as well – “Spock”? “Set phasers to stun” “these creatures will stick needles in you to get information”

The vet had to stamp the pet passports to allow us back into our planet as it turned out and unfortunately we weren’t able to use the phasers on the vet. They were so lucky this time!!

And so for the easy journey back to the hotel. Sorry, did I say easy?? I meant to say here that it was rather a bowel moving experience due to two things:

1. The Commander failed to set the Starship Barbet Navigational Systems to “Hotel” and decided instead to follow the lead of the Captain of the Klingon vessel who had parked near to our Commander.

2. The Captain of the Klingon vessel (and he goes by the urf name of Julian) decided to take a minor short cut back to the hotel!!!!

Well, we are all aware of the devious and horrible Klingons aren’t we? Oh yes, I hear you all shouting…..

Captain Klingon (AKA Julian) missed out one tiny little thing with his shortcut??

Roads with tram tracks on them are not necessarily good for the health of your vehicle, nor the vehicles contents. And if you are ahead of me here you will now be gasping in sheer horror (because we sure as hell were) and you were not in the vehicle!!

From inside our vehicle there was a strange smell that was probably due to the fact that a tram was heading in our direction AND this caused a chemical reaction in the bowel region of someone close by!!!

Advice for all readers of this: If you go to Francois for a canine event, do not forget to use and switch on your Navigational Systems AND Do NOT trust Klingons claiming they know a short cut. You have been warned…… where did I put that air freshener

There was only one thing to do apart from poo that is……….and that was make a relaxed in a non panic kind of way straight to the hotel and then onto to another McDonalds!! (Just so you know? I got mine with no mayo this time) Merci

And so too Day 2……

Exposition Canine Venue

And here it is then, the home of the Dilithium Crystals. Many humans, many from other planets as well and with their canines. The vet is not in this shot because he saw we were carrying our phasers that were set to stun. Actually there is no one I know in this picture, man nor beast!!
Not sure then what this picture is for!!! ?

On the second day here Spock got awarded a Dilithium Crystal because she got Best Junior and rightly so as well being my Number 2. Meanwhile I narrowly missed out on being CACS because I came second to Hector, although I got another Dilithium Crystal for being awarded an Excellent from the Judge. But no complaints at all, it was great for the chat and laughs we had, although that vet was lucky!!

What I really liked was at the end all the UK Barbets got together and under the spot lights and the music and colourful people dressed up in the Main Honour Ring we were all paraded around and introduced to the people – it was really good fun and me and Spock loved it as did the others

And so peeps we come almost nearly but not quite to the end of this epic adventure…….

Remember our Commander failed to switch back on our Navigational Systems at the end of Day One and THAT Klingon nearly destroyed us in a one sided tram argument – well guess what??
Our Commander failed to switch on our Navigational Systems again on the way home and she also chose not to take any notice of the VERY large blue road signs and it was only on the road to Paris and Reims that our Commander realized her mistake and some alleged 20 minutes later we were back on track – non non not a tram track - been there, done that and used up all the air freshener

We arrived back in the Mother Ship Port to take us all back to our planet, pet passports and all admin successfully completed and then for a cup of tea and home.

Back on our planet the weather was still terrible and torrential rain – but no trams!!


Commander of the Starship Barbet Captain Sensible Julie
Captain Klingon (Julian)

Don’t you just pity Martha and Hallie!!!

Au revoir peeps

And may the force be with you……oh no forget that – that’s another movie!!!

For the full Show Results visit the Barbet Club of Great Britain website


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