Adventures my Derriere
as adventurous as The Dearest One trying to get me back
into the house when I’m not in the mood to be back
in the house – nice try but no cigar!!
in this episode:
watched Crufts on the idiot box
get told off and sulked (so what’s new there)
a an unpleasant pheasant in our woods
those damned puppy things are here and there – Sacre
bleu peeps, please don’t tell me I was once like
what seemed like an eternity The Dearest One came in every
night to the living room, threw me off MY couch, then
settled down with the usual cup of tea and some human
munchies and watched what I now believe is a dog show
went for one of the days and bought us all new vet beds
which was damned decent of her.
I still took up my place on the couch and left the vet
beds for the peasants!!
rather The Spins (wry smile)
am I teacher’s pet or what?
she spoil me?
she doesn’t actually and I’ve learned it’s
less embarrassing for me to jump off the couch when she
comes in than have the indignity of her demanding I give
her the couch back. JJ finds it all rather funny……..sometimes,
just sometimes I don’t like that dog
here we all are then, JJ spark out on the other couch
and probably dreaming of retrieving tennis balls all day
long and wearing out 3 humans in the process, The rest
of the gang scattered here and there, The Dearest One
on the couch sipping tea and chewing munchies, and little
through the toy basket and no one to play with (oh bless
night I happened to stop messing about and went over to
the idiot box to see what all the fuss was about with
this Crufts thing.
a load of dogs together at a rather large doggy conference.
Some were showing off or being shown off…..some
were showing their owners off and others were showing
but not – if you see what I mean.
that what disappointment looks like?? I don’t want
to be a show dog then
there were dogs dancing!! OH PLEASE, No way would I be
seen doing that
be doing the Can Can next……
Can you imagine all those French poodles in frilly dresses?
I can can and we’d better move on!!!!!
there was the agility. Easy, I do that – eventually,
and if I’m in the mood
this idiot box thing is addictive isn’t it?
stood there for ages looking at the thing and all this
doggy stuff – BUT – No Barbets
thinks that some people – yes, you humanoids, are
slow through there and hopeless at the jumps” “Good
grief even the Spins could
do better than that”
later I was sort of wondering aimlessly around the front
room and decided two things would brighten up my life:
Annoy JJ and
2. Destroy his toy
I had not allowed for one small, little minor detail –
HER. The Dearest One
was going well and JJ was suitably fed up with me and
went off to his couch to sulk. He is nothing short of
a big wimp
I started on his toy, first threatening it with the usual
bite down hard and toss it from side to side in my mouth.
Once it was dizzy enough and confused I dropped it on
the floor ready to rip its bits off – or rather
NO” Boomed the giant tea bag
No, put it down and LEAVE IT”
meant war – red rag to a…….dog!! I think
being the arrogant and “who do you think you’re
talking to” type of dog I duly put the toy down!!
Boomed the soggy miserable tea bag
so I sat. But boy did I give her THE look………..oh
yes. You should have seen the look on her face. She knew
who she was messing with – and shouldn’t be
went into one giant huff and puff and one ultra sulk
show HER” I thought to myself but couldn’t
think of anything to show her and so I walked off over
to my latest favourite spot in the house. The window sill!!
I skulked away, lay down and dreamt of tearing up all
her tea bags……..
show her whose boss. Claude’s time will come
were 10 new tea bags sitting on the wall, 10 new tea bags
sitting on the wall, and if one new tea bag was to accidentally
fall”……..Claude would tear it to bits
and stick my tongue out at her. Covered in tea leaves!!!
The ultimate revenge!!
mess with the Barbet – remember you’re only
here to feed me…….
I woke up I felt much better!!!!!
yet even more time after that I went outside to see what
the world had in store for me today.
surprise surprise an oversized tea cup came with me with
the Dearest One attached to it!!
you don’t see that every day do you?
the mobile tea cup headed off towards the woods and I
duly walked with it!!
this was one very talented tea cup because every now and
again it would say “Heel”
thinking to myself that it’s hopeless arguing with
an inanimate object I would ‘heel’ –
and so I heeled
the woods the gate was opened for me and off I went –
so far, so good!! (Oh no)
the wood I sensed another being and instinct took over
and off I went in search of this ‘being’.
I couldn’t find a thing and although the wood is
now growing back after the bleak winter we had I was getting
a little disheartened. The mobile tea cup was nowhere
to be seen, but that’s no surprise given I’m
one foot something and the undergrowth is one foot more
then I was quartering around on pure instinct.
course I knew exactly where the oversized tea cup was
because I could hear it struggling along. Then suddenly!!!!!
it was…….The being
more precisely, a Pheasant. A rather splendid pheasant
to be precise – a male with all its gloriously coloured
feathers clearly out to attract the ladies.
just wasn’t his day was it?
no lady and he had attracted ME. This was one stupid pheasant,
or not as it turned out…… because:
The idiot was in our woods
At any one time there could be 4 or 5 of us in here –
and we’re all gun dogs
It didn’t matter where he went I could now track
him and unless I was virtually on top of him he wouldn’t
fly off – they don’t until the last second
so this game (no pun intended) went on for what seemed
like ages, he would duck and dive but not fly. Although
there were no ducks – that was just a saying
and I suppose inevitably I caught him face to face and
he had the look of sheer doom on his little but rather
splendid head. When I get back to the house I’m
going to paint my head in red and gold and shades of brown
– or maybe not
He flew off
I did give chase – sort of
fencing around the woods stopped me whereas the not so
stupid pheasant just flew over it and gently glided down
onto our bridle path about 3 or 4 meters from where I
was on the wrong side of the fence.
should have seen the smug smart rsss look on his face
drove me absolutely nuts and I marched up and down that
fence to look for a way through.
that oversized tea cup didn’t help by laughing –
Jolly jug…..yea, very funny.
damned pheasant just stood there with a real look of “What
no wings little doggy”
I would have barked but we gun dogs don’t do that……
how annoying was that…….
day since then and as soon as the back door is opened
I’m off…….and guess where I go for hours
guess who still lives in our woods and is still annoying
the hell out of me
hate that bird.
bet Unica and me would have had a chat with him by now!!
of Unica. Damned fine gun dog that one with a fantastic
instinct – not as fantastic as mine of course, but
she is just a girly after all!! (Oh oh controversial moment)
was busy in the house giving birth to her puppies.
to be exact. Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch or
was that a 60s band…
what about Dozy, sleepy and so on – ah yes The Seven
guess that makes The Dearest One Snow white……..oh
how I laughed at the thought!!
White………and the seven tea bags more
like – more laughter
where was I? Oh yes Unica and her puppies
to top it all my mom gave birth as well to loads more
Mini Barbets – Vive le France
not readers – none of those Barbet pups will be
anything like me!! (Oh god, Thank you)
this was interesting?
didn’t know what to make of all these Spin pups
in our house. Was I really like that??
another thought popped into my incredible brain!! (Oh
no, now what)
Barbet pups were down at my mom’s house and the
Spin pups were at my house and that could only mean one
would now have to deal with herds of Spins.
checked with Air France but couldn’t get a seat
was a disaster
were already seven Spins and now another seven. And that
makes…er, lots of Spins.
Peeps they are all in MY living room in a special pet
pen. I have looked over many times at them and they were
are not puppies, these are huge puppies. What the hell
was Unica on?
saw the photos of my mom’s pups and they were much
more sensibly sized. Sort of mini Claude’s.
don’t panic peeps – they could never be like
me, I’m unique and simply fabulous – or just
on a minute? What is that odd ball doing in there?
my mom and her pups are doing splendidly well and so are
those mini Spins.
squeak like my toys. No doubt going to be like JJ? Wimps
– looks good but nothing in the head department
so now the mini Spins are all the rage and poor Claude
is left all on his own
actually none of us are because we have a non tea drinking
male of the human species looking after us allegedly helping
out because the mini Spins are growing – too bloody
fast for my way of thinking. Those are going to be Spinicus
Giganticus at the rate they’re growing and if they’re
all like JJ then I’m not bothered.
Spinicus Giganticus is coming shortly………you
have been warned!!
a hint in there of notes to come!!
I still training? Yes of course
can’t keep a good dog down!!
peeps I’m fed up of moaning and I’m off to
my very own sulking parlour for a snooze.
window sill………….The Barbets Boudoir