now for the Headlines from Claude’s Adventures column
– brought to you by:
Peeps, Claude here and welcome again to my world
news peeps……….I have legs!!!
weeks of waiting I can now confirm to you all that I have
sprouted (not in a Belgium kind of way) legs. Let’s
be honest shall we, I would look ridiculous if I had sprouted,
er……sprouts as my official undercarriage.
And later on in this set of adventures you will see how
I’ve put them to good use. Especially in the, strengthen
them up department. I know that you will also be delighted
to hear that there is one of those leg things in each
corner. Therefore, I am an official quadruped.
lot are bipeds and I’m a quadruped. More agility,
more speed and more to go wrong!!
I noticed the other day that Freya was near the ditch
digging, I don’t know what for, but she was digging.
So I joined in – as you do. Now quite why I did
this I have no idea at all but dig I did. Now there are
two issues with digging?
When do you stop and
2. Oh my God my legs ached for ages afterwards –
I’ve no idea either what legs are made of, but whatever
it is they ache.
been to the vets again?
set of jabs, just when I thought it was safe to get back
in the Landy – WHAM BAM thank you mam…………However,
this time that vets reception room really woke up a sleeping
thing in me and although I’ve no idea what it is
that was sleeping it sure did wake it up…….
Dearest One of the “Oh Claudy poo’s its Land
Rover time again” “Where’s my little
funny bunny then”?
BUNNY”!!! what on earth does she think I am? But
in the Landy I went with dubious feelings of yet more
subtle veterinary care. BUT this time we drove straight
past the house of pain and into town.
Oh yes peeps – here we go – Claude does Aberaeron!!
(Oh no moment)
as some of you know or may have seen on the news the local
area has had a drop of rain or two!! There was very serious
flooding and the worst in recorded history – it
says here (I’ve just been on the internet you know)
anyway, living up on the hill I’m pleased to say
that we weren’t affected – but it sure did
rain. So we were confined to quarters.
needed a hobby to occupy himself during the indoor periods…..so
Claude has put this time to good use and has learned a
new craft…!!! (Another Oh no moment)
now for the Sports headlines…….
Euro 2012 of course and who did we play first?? Ingerland……..It
was a 1 – 1 draw which annoyed me. I blame those
footballers personally, they’ve only got two legs
each and from what I saw of the match they didn’t
do much with either one of them. And why aren’t
there any dogs out there chasing that ball around?? Bit
one sided if you ask me
I am delighted to report that the Italians are not doing
so well!!! Oh have I given it the Spins….and why
are all the Italian players called Felloni, Balloni, Cannoloni??
le France……..and all that.
to be honest I have avoided the crowd trouble? There is
seven of them and just little me!!!
yea………and one Brit!! Who kept saying
things like “Oh come on chaps” and “Gosh
that was close” and “Oh you really are silly
billies, why did you give that nice French boy the ball”
even at my age I’ve had to censor what she really
anyway its Wimbledon next and that ball is much more sensible
to chase and catch – but not served at you at 100mph!!
Good God at that speed it would go in one end and come
out the other creating havoc in between…..me thinks
I will take a pass on Wimbledon
the way, what’s a Womble)?
is all your faults; I forgot what I was on about now.
So let’s get back on track and put some detail in
behind Claude’s news headlines:
was generally hanging around with JJ and we were on a
walkabout when I noticed Freya up by the ditch digging
away for all she was worth. I thought it was just an Italian
thing…..you know, looking for buried gladiators
I know JJ is a good old soldier really and thought he
could enlighten me as to this odd behavior.
can see me below asking JJ - “What on earth is she
a female thing my little French neighbour” “She
is looking for the remains of Gladiators and anything
else that resembles a bone”
“Sometimes, we dogs take a bone and bury it, then
we forget where the hell we put it and so we must go forth
and dig the whole place up to find it again”
peeps, this interested me because as I understand it that
means Rico (The lunatic Viz, he’s Hungarian and
they’re not in Euro 2012) has buried 13 million
bones and now he can’t find any of them………..Unless
of course Freya has found them all and the Viz is just
a complete idiot.
Flash: I can confirm (because JJs just told me) The
Viz IS a complete idiot
so I left JJ and wandered off to find Freya……..(You
know troubles brewing here don’t you)
took up my usual French swagger and left JJ to strut his
stuff whilst I went in search of Freya!!
eventually caught up with her on the driveway, it was
obvious she didn’t want to know me OR was hiding
something. I suspect, being Italian it was the latter
and did not want to share with Monsieur Claude what she
was up to or where she was going.
so it came to pass I had to get all Frenchy with her……….never
Oui my leetle fruit bon bon” “My leetle petite
pois – tell Claudy poo’s what you’re
doing up there”
God, I’m even calling myself ‘Claudy poo’s’
now – but needs be and the devil drives
was not forthcoming with the information I needed and
so I resorted to extreme tactics??
jumped up and whispered sweet nothings in her ear!!!!!
girls……..what can I say?
that’s me above determined to get to Freya’s
secret digging session……..??
And of course the Italian gave in to my sultry French
accent and below you see me being shown the secret of
Freya’s find at the dig!!
so smug Claude!!!!!!
course even with my head in the damned thing I had no
idea what on earth all the fuss was about. There was no
bone, no food, not even a Gladiator. I cannot tell you
how disappointed I was. But Freya had a suggestion?
my little Dolomite” “Why don’t
you go away and dig your own patch up and see what
you can find”
I do that”? I asked her
yes” she said “No one will mind, not
even the Dumbest One”
so off I went to dig up my own patch
should have known better shouldn’t I?
That damned Italian girl had tricked little sweet
Claude and taken advantage of his youth and naivety.
do you call a Barbet with a spade on his head?
here is your hero – er….me Claude, merrily
digging away just like the Italians!!
– couple of things here, I’ve absolutely no
idea what it is I’m supposed to be digging for and
after about an hour of this nonsense my legs ached so
much that I was lucky to make it back to the sanctuary
of the house.
I collapsed and slept – in pain
what is a Gladiator anyway?
Claude has concluded from all this messing about in the
mud that it’s no use having all these legs if two
of them work really well at the back and the two at the
front don’t work at all – see what I mean?
legs = more problems!!
Claude in a dumb kind of way
next on the list is yet another visit to the vets. If
I have to go again I’ll be on first name terms with
them. Is all this really necessary? I mean the jabs every
couple of weeks?
no, no, I’m not complaining because since that first
set of jabs I’ve got some legs, I am now hoping
that after this second set of jabs I don’t grow
a trunk, or a turn into an amphibian. Or worse still turn
the vet visit awoke the beast in Claude? Grrrrrrrrrr……..use
your imagination as at this age it’s a bit of a
of the Spins when they were all together likened my bark
to a poodle on steroids……..
day Claude will have the last laugh
was happily soaking up all my fans fussing me with the
usual “Oh isn’t he gorgeous” “What
the hell is it” “Oh how sweet, not seen a
Labradoodle puppy around here before”
bit this one
in through the door came a female carbon life form, normal
biped type of thing with a but, and this was a big but????
(But, NOT Butt) just thought I’d clarify that for
female biped had a DUCK under its arm. I kid you not…….a
real duck – I know I know, you’re thinking
exactly as I did when I saw it?
on urf is the vet going to surgically remove that duck
from under that bipeds arm”?
it got me baffled as well. But that’s the vet’s
problem; I had my own problem to worry about? The Dearest
One doesn’t have a duck growing under her arm, and
as far as I know doesn’t have anything else growing
on her. Although, I have heard her say “He’s
growing on me” – odd really? I have so much
independence I don’t feel attached to her at all
– not like that duck anyway.
issue was that I had this HUGE urge to retrieve the Duck
and bring it back to the Dearest One, I can’t tell
you how strong that urge was but I dragged the chair (with
the Dearest One sat on it) half way across the waiting
room before the vet came out and ruined everything.
legs you see….power and control, the best 4 x 4
dreamed about retrieving that Duck nearly every night
since then……..although I couldn’t retrieve
my dinner with my legs aching as they were.
that Duck is going to have a serious problem with me if
it survives the operation to have it removed from that
woman’s underarm – strange the things you
see isn’t it?
Barbet – Duck Hunter
Claudy poo’s” Where’s my little Citroen
woman is so sad…….honestly, some of things
she calls me (parental guidance advised at times)
trip in the Landy and at first I thought it was back to
the vets so that I could get that Duck…….
off we go again…….Sacre bleu…….we
zoomed past the vets and onwards into the great blue yonder
beyond – well not exactly in to it, but you know
what I mean. I’m setting the scene for you!!
I’m also diluting the problem I had, or rather another
woman had with me, a duckless one this time though, and
yes, it’s one of those ‘Oh no’ moments………….again
loved Aberaeron and a great place to meet and greet people
– Bonjours all around
WAS on my best behaviour and had a pie in the pie shop,
because the man in there fell for the ‘cute little
French puppy’ and he coochy cood away, and with
my French puppy dog look and just sitting there nicely
I was soaking up so much fuss the Dearest One was sick
– but the nice man gave me a pie.
couldn’t get any better…….
was perfection on legs!! As we walked around the town
with me proudly wearing my lead – the Spins warned
me about ‘The Lead’ but personally I can’t
see what the fuss is all about. But knowing the Italians
I bet you it’s something to do with how good they
look….fashion freaks they are
we eventually walked round to the Quay side? (What’s
then more trouble?? WATER AND, AND, AND DUCKS (DUCKS PLURAL)
spins were right? That bloody lead became a damned nuisance.
I bet the Dearest One is glad I’m not yet fully
grown? I’d have dragged her in with me
spotted walking in front of us another odd woman, it took
my mind off the water and the ducks.
one had a white face?????
rather a lumpy white face???
wasn’t a lumpy white face after all (phew) Worried
woman was eating an I scream – and then she spotted
me, and stopped to say Bonjour, then she knelt down to
fuss the cute French puppy – they simply can’t
French and Gorgeous you know
how the hell was I to know, I mean for God sake if you’re
going to kneel down in front of me and expect me to ignore
the I scream what do you seriously expect me to do??
and I scream – perfect combination
stands to reason doesn’t it, I mean I thought I
was to have the fuss AND her I scream
Dearest One did Scream and groveled and apologised and
smiled – and bought that nice woman another I scream.
I thought that was a nice gesture……
is in disgrace (apparently)
so endeth my first trip to Aberaeron……….Doubt
I’ll be invited back
and woman with white lumpy face in the background!!!
Ducks are in there somewhere….and I’m on a
lead!!! But then the I scream woman soon arrived
long after this little moment the rains came and at one
stage I thought Noah was coming as well – which
would have been a disaster for me?? I’m the only
one and he took them on board two by two….oh well,
just have to go after the ducks
all got confined to quarters, it was raining cats and
dogs which terrified me as the farm cats are seriously
dangerous and no dog with an ounce of sense would go near
them. So raining cats and dogs Claude was not venturing
learns a new skill? And a very useful one………..
stayed in watching telly and listening to music….well
it’s not music in the real sense, it’s what
the Dearest One calls ‘her’ music. Not sure
what it is really, but it’s not music
was watching National Geographic and got really interested
in this documentary about how they are keeping alive an
old tradition – Basket weaving!!
was immediately struck by the thought that I could do
that and maybe, just maybe, make up for my faux pas with
the, I scream. I reckoned on making a toy basket for the
made a working area behind the couch and set to with my
genius idea. If I kept quiet and worked away I would surprise
the Dearest One!! In the photo above (thanks Freya for
taking the photo) you see me just finishing off the top
edging. A tricky area as you have to ensure the rest of
the weave remains tight and nicely rounded. You can see
clearly I’ve took my time over this and the result
is certainly very good – even if I say so myself.
I’m pleased with it anyway.
the Dearest One’s reaction when she saw it?
what a good boy” “What a lovely basket from
an up and coming basket case”
went on about having a pain in her Derrière, or
I was a pain in the derrière or something like
that – it doesn’t translate well – allegedly!!
it couldn’t have been that bad because you know
what?? It’s now used as our toy basket
the basket case has come over all smug
– that’s it for the news this week and if
you’re a Barbet reading this? Watch out for a woman
in your town (or vets) with an in-growing duck.
it and be good out there……like me!!
is Claude Barbet from the news centre on the hill”
“Goodbye for now”