And now for the Headlines from Claude’s Adventures column – brought to you by:

Bonjour Peeps, Claude here and welcome again to my world

Good news peeps……….I have legs!!!

After weeks of waiting I can now confirm to you all that I have sprouted (not in a Belgium kind of way) legs. Let’s be honest shall we, I would look ridiculous if I had sprouted, er……sprouts as my official undercarriage. And later on in this set of adventures you will see how I’ve put them to good use. Especially in the, strengthen them up department. I know that you will also be delighted to hear that there is one of those leg things in each corner. Therefore, I am an official quadruped.

You lot are bipeds and I’m a quadruped. More agility, more speed and more to go wrong!!

Now I noticed the other day that Freya was near the ditch digging, I don’t know what for, but she was digging. So I joined in – as you do. Now quite why I did this I have no idea at all but dig I did. Now there are two issues with digging?

1. When do you stop and

2. Oh my God my legs ached for ages afterwards – I’ve no idea either what legs are made of, but whatever it is they ache.

I’ve been to the vets again?

Another set of jabs, just when I thought it was safe to get back in the Landy – WHAM BAM thank you mam…………However, this time that vets reception room really woke up a sleeping thing in me and although I’ve no idea what it is that was sleeping it sure did wake it up…….

The Dearest One of the “Oh Claudy poo’s its Land Rover time again” “Where’s my little funny bunny then”?

“FUNNY BUNNY”!!! what on earth does she think I am? But in the Landy I went with dubious feelings of yet more subtle veterinary care. BUT this time we drove straight past the house of pain and into town.

Oh yes peeps – here we go – Claude does Aberaeron!! (Oh no moment)

And as some of you know or may have seen on the news the local area has had a drop of rain or two!! There was very serious flooding and the worst in recorded history – it says here (I’ve just been on the internet you know) anyway, living up on the hill I’m pleased to say that we weren’t affected – but it sure did rain. So we were confined to quarters.

Claude needed a hobby to occupy himself during the indoor periods… Claude has put this time to good use and has learned a new craft…!!! (Another Oh no moment)

And now for the Sports headlines…….

It’s Euro 2012 of course and who did we play first?? Ingerland……..It was a 1 – 1 draw which annoyed me. I blame those footballers personally, they’ve only got two legs each and from what I saw of the match they didn’t do much with either one of them. And why aren’t there any dogs out there chasing that ball around?? Bit one sided if you ask me

But I am delighted to report that the Italians are not doing so well!!! Oh have I given it the Spins….and why are all the Italian players called Felloni, Balloni, Cannoloni??

Vive le France……..and all that.

Although to be honest I have avoided the crowd trouble? There is seven of them and just little me!!!

Oh yea………and one Brit!! Who kept saying things like “Oh come on chaps” and “Gosh that was close” and “Oh you really are silly billies, why did you give that nice French boy the ball”

Note: even at my age I’ve had to censor what she really said!!!!!

And anyway its Wimbledon next and that ball is much more sensible to chase and catch – but not served at you at 100mph!! Good God at that speed it would go in one end and come out the other creating havoc in between… thinks I will take a pass on Wimbledon

(By the way, what’s a Womble)?

This is all your faults; I forgot what I was on about now. So let’s get back on track and put some detail in behind Claude’s news headlines:

I was generally hanging around with JJ and we were on a walkabout when I noticed Freya up by the ditch digging away for all she was worth. I thought it was just an Italian thing… know, looking for buried gladiators or something.

Anyway, I know JJ is a good old soldier really and thought he could enlighten me as to this odd behavior.

You can see me below asking JJ - “What on earth is she doing JJ”?

“It’s a female thing my little French neighbour” “She is looking for the remains of Gladiators and anything else that resembles a bone”
“Sometimes, we dogs take a bone and bury it, then we forget where the hell we put it and so we must go forth and dig the whole place up to find it again”

Now peeps, this interested me because as I understand it that means Rico (The lunatic Viz, he’s Hungarian and they’re not in Euro 2012) has buried 13 million bones and now he can’t find any of them………..Unless of course Freya has found them all and the Viz is just a complete idiot.

News Flash: I can confirm (because JJs just told me) The Viz IS a complete idiot

And so I left JJ and wandered off to find Freya……..(You know troubles brewing here don’t you)

I took up my usual French swagger and left JJ to strut his stuff whilst I went in search of Freya!!

I eventually caught up with her on the driveway, it was obvious she didn’t want to know me OR was hiding something. I suspect, being Italian it was the latter and did not want to share with Monsieur Claude what she was up to or where she was going.

And so it came to pass I had to get all Frenchy with her……….never fails!!!

“Oh Oui my leetle fruit bon bon” “My leetle petite pois – tell Claudy poo’s what you’re doing up there”

Oh God, I’m even calling myself ‘Claudy poo’s’ now – but needs be and the devil drives

Freya was not forthcoming with the information I needed and so I resorted to extreme tactics??

I jumped up and whispered sweet nothings in her ear!!!!!

Italian girls……..what can I say?

And that’s me above determined to get to Freya’s secret digging session……..??
And of course the Italian gave in to my sultry French accent and below you see me being shown the secret of Freya’s find at the dig!!

Oh so smug Claude!!!!!!

Of course even with my head in the damned thing I had no idea what on earth all the fuss was about. There was no bone, no food, not even a Gladiator. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was. But Freya had a suggestion?

“Claude, my little Dolomite” “Why don’t you go away and dig your own patch up and see what you can find”

“Can I do that”? I asked her

“Oh yes” she said “No one will mind, not even the Dumbest One”

And so off I went to dig up my own patch

Naïve Claude!!

I should have known better shouldn’t I?
That damned Italian girl had tricked little sweet Claude and taken advantage of his youth and naivety.

What do you call a Barbet with a spade on his head?


And here is your hero – er….me Claude, merrily digging away just like the Italians!!

OK – couple of things here, I’ve absolutely no idea what it is I’m supposed to be digging for and after about an hour of this nonsense my legs ached so much that I was lucky to make it back to the sanctuary of the house.

Then I collapsed and slept – in pain

And what is a Gladiator anyway?

So Claude has concluded from all this messing about in the mud that it’s no use having all these legs if two of them work really well at the back and the two at the front don’t work at all – see what I mean?

More legs = more problems!!

Smart Claude in a dumb kind of way

And next on the list is yet another visit to the vets. If I have to go again I’ll be on first name terms with them. Is all this really necessary? I mean the jabs every couple of weeks?

No, no, no, I’m not complaining because since that first set of jabs I’ve got some legs, I am now hoping that after this second set of jabs I don’t grow a trunk, or a turn into an amphibian. Or worse still turn all Italian……..

But the vet visit awoke the beast in Claude? Grrrrrrrrrr……..use your imagination as at this age it’s a bit of a girly Grrrrrrrrrr

One of the Spins when they were all together likened my bark to a poodle on steroids……..

One day Claude will have the last laugh

I was happily soaking up all my fans fussing me with the usual “Oh isn’t he gorgeous” “What the hell is it” “Oh how sweet, not seen a Labradoodle puppy around here before”

I bit this one

When in through the door came a female carbon life form, normal biped type of thing with a but, and this was a big but???? (But, NOT Butt) just thought I’d clarify that for you

Said female biped had a DUCK under its arm. I kid you not…….a real duck – I know I know, you’re thinking exactly as I did when I saw it?

“How on urf is the vet going to surgically remove that duck from under that bipeds arm”?

Yea, it got me baffled as well. But that’s the vet’s problem; I had my own problem to worry about? The Dearest One doesn’t have a duck growing under her arm, and as far as I know doesn’t have anything else growing on her. Although, I have heard her say “He’s growing on me” – odd really? I have so much independence I don’t feel attached to her at all – not like that duck anyway.

The issue was that I had this HUGE urge to retrieve the Duck and bring it back to the Dearest One, I can’t tell you how strong that urge was but I dragged the chair (with the Dearest One sat on it) half way across the waiting room before the vet came out and ruined everything.

Four legs you see….power and control, the best 4 x 4 by far!!!

I’ve dreamed about retrieving that Duck nearly every night since then……..although I couldn’t retrieve my dinner with my legs aching as they were.

But that Duck is going to have a serious problem with me if it survives the operation to have it removed from that woman’s underarm – strange the things you see isn’t it?

Claude Barbet – Duck Hunter

Claude Does Aberaeron!!

“Oh Claudy poo’s” Where’s my little Citroen then”?

That woman is so sad…….honestly, some of things she calls me (parental guidance advised at times)

Another trip in the Landy and at first I thought it was back to the vets so that I could get that Duck…….

And off we go again…….Sacre bleu…….we zoomed past the vets and onwards into the great blue yonder beyond – well not exactly in to it, but you know what I mean. I’m setting the scene for you!!

And I’m also diluting the problem I had, or rather another woman had with me, a duckless one this time though, and yes, it’s one of those ‘Oh no’ moments………….again

I loved Aberaeron and a great place to meet and greet people – Bonjours all around

I WAS on my best behaviour and had a pie in the pie shop, because the man in there fell for the ‘cute little French puppy’ and he coochy cood away, and with my French puppy dog look and just sitting there nicely I was soaking up so much fuss the Dearest One was sick – but the nice man gave me a pie.

This couldn’t get any better…….

I was perfection on legs!! As we walked around the town with me proudly wearing my lead – the Spins warned me about ‘The Lead’ but personally I can’t see what the fuss is all about. But knowing the Italians I bet you it’s something to do with how good they look….fashion freaks they are

And we eventually walked round to the Quay side? (What’s a Quay?)

But then more trouble?? WATER AND, AND, AND DUCKS (DUCKS PLURAL)

The spins were right? That bloody lead became a damned nuisance. I bet the Dearest One is glad I’m not yet fully grown? I’d have dragged her in with me

I spotted walking in front of us another odd woman, it took my mind off the water and the ducks.

This one had a white face?????

Or rather a lumpy white face???

It wasn’t a lumpy white face after all (phew) Worried Claude……

THIS woman was eating an I scream – and then she spotted me, and stopped to say Bonjour, then she knelt down to fuss the cute French puppy – they simply can’t resist me

I’m French and Gorgeous you know

Well how the hell was I to know, I mean for God sake if you’re going to kneel down in front of me and expect me to ignore the I scream what do you seriously expect me to do??

Fuss and I scream – perfect combination

It stands to reason doesn’t it, I mean I thought I was to have the fuss AND her I scream

The Dearest One did Scream and groveled and apologised and smiled – and bought that nice woman another I scream. I thought that was a nice gesture……

Claude is in disgrace (apparently)

And so endeth my first trip to Aberaeron……….Doubt I’ll be invited back

Me and woman with white lumpy face in the background!!!

Those Ducks are in there somewhere….and I’m on a lead!!! But then the I scream woman soon arrived

Not long after this little moment the rains came and at one stage I thought Noah was coming as well – which would have been a disaster for me?? I’m the only one and he took them on board two by two….oh well, just have to go after the ducks

We all got confined to quarters, it was raining cats and dogs which terrified me as the farm cats are seriously dangerous and no dog with an ounce of sense would go near them. So raining cats and dogs Claude was not venturing out.

Claude learns a new skill? And a very useful one………..

We stayed in watching telly and listening to music….well it’s not music in the real sense, it’s what the Dearest One calls ‘her’ music. Not sure what it is really, but it’s not music

I was watching National Geographic and got really interested in this documentary about how they are keeping alive an old tradition – Basket weaving!!

I was immediately struck by the thought that I could do that and maybe, just maybe, make up for my faux pas with the, I scream. I reckoned on making a toy basket for the front room……..

I made a working area behind the couch and set to with my genius idea. If I kept quiet and worked away I would surprise the Dearest One!! In the photo above (thanks Freya for taking the photo) you see me just finishing off the top edging. A tricky area as you have to ensure the rest of the weave remains tight and nicely rounded. You can see clearly I’ve took my time over this and the result is certainly very good – even if I say so myself. I’m pleased with it anyway.

And the Dearest One’s reaction when she saw it?

“Oh what a good boy” “What a lovely basket from an up and coming basket case”

She went on about having a pain in her Derrière, or I was a pain in the derrière or something like that – it doesn’t translate well – allegedly!!

But it couldn’t have been that bad because you know what?? It’s now used as our toy basket

Claude the basket case has come over all smug

OK – that’s it for the news this week and if you’re a Barbet reading this? Watch out for a woman in your town (or vets) with an in-growing duck.

That’s it and be good out there……like me!!

“This is Claude Barbet from the news centre on the hill” “Goodbye for now”

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