Bonjours peeps

Your Christian festival threw me completely…….I of course completely misunderstood this human element in your festivity period and proceeded to destroy the Crimson Ninja – Remember him? Whoops… didn’t go down well at all. But how was I to know………all your fault!!!

Sometime later……….

Claude Barbet got up one morning after a good night’s sleep, yawned……….and gave a lazy stretch.

The others were also waking up around me, we had heard The Dearest One moving around and was obviously coming to let us out for our morning constitutional. It was still cold – allegedly – with my wonderful coat I couldn’t tell of course and I was as warm as a bug in rug.

Now let’s be clear about this, it’s not one of my bugs in that rug – OK?

I do not do bugs…..that and the fact we’re all de- bugged with some chemical or other, flea off or tick tormentor or something like that, or maybe it’s just bug gar off!!! Could even be Russian chemical?? Itoreabugoff…forget it then. Obviously wasted on you lot ?

Anyway, The Dearest One ventured forth into the kitchen and we heard the dulcid tones of kettle, mug – you can guess the rest. And while the kettle was strutting its stuff she came and let us out………..

I leapt out of the open door!!!!! And made a dash for a moment of peace – as I do………it was then I suddenly realised that my eyesight had gone completely weird and I was hallucinating that my world had gone all white. Everything around me was white.

First there was YOUR Christian festival……..and now this!!!!

I was far from amused

I sat down to take in this new world around me. It was very very odd indeed, what was this stuff and why have I now got new shoes and why I am wearing make up?? Being French is one thing and being French and fashionable another, but Claude wearing make up??

Not very gun doggy I’m sure you would agree

By now the others had cleared off and from what I could hear they were having some real fun in this ‘stuff’. I went down to the ménage to investigate

Yep…..they were having fun and I wasn’t…..what is this stuff and what’s wrong with my feet??

The others were too busy having fun to bother with me

In front of me I saw Kallie who curiously was also wearing make-up. I ran after her to ask what they were all doing and to find out what this stuff was that wobbled my brain and turned everything white. I mean white, oh please – it’s not even a Gucci colour or an in season colour and anyway, no one told me about this, so I had to find out for myself

As Freya came screaming past at about Mach 2 I realised I was missing out here and decided I would leave Kallie and go after Freya, she’s my mate and she would know what all this white stuff was all about

Now this was beginning to be fun and I got faster and faster and my skills at cornering just got better and better, I was now a Moto GP dog, I was the Formula 1 of dogs – in the white stuff

Come on peeps you know you want to say it…….WOW – Claude Schumacher, Claude Rossi you know the names – oh no??

I’ve just had a thought?? One’s a German and the other an Italian……..Name change required here.

It can either be Claude F1 Renault or Randy Claude De Puniet. Personally I like the latter!!!

Bring on le girls!!!

But you’ve got to admit peeps I do look so damned good

It was then I spotted Duncan looking like he had lost something and was peering into a hole in the white stuff.

I stopped and asked him what the problem was, had he lost a bone or maybe a tennis ball or something. I was stunned by his reply “It’s the Viz, he’s gone in search of a mole he saw wearing a ski mask” “What down there” I asked, pointing to where we thought he had gone.

“Oh my God” said Duncan, “I’ve just realised that he could come out in the cottage garden and that could lead to another Mole war”

“A truce had been negotiated and this could ruin it”

But peeps, that’s another story!!!

After endless fun in the white stuff it was time to go back to the house for breakfast. By now I think we were all getting hungry, I know I was.

But the world as I knew it had changed forever and now everything was snow white.

Well that’s it peeps??

Of course, how stupid of me. I will name this stuff…..SNOW……I’ve seen the movie??

Snow White and the Seven Spins…… wonder none of them would tell me what it was. It was so obvious, but I just couldn’t see it

Mmmmm another thought has just occurred to me??

I wonder who the wicked witch is??

Do you know who it could be peeps??

I think you do……..

And on that amazing revelation – this is Claude Barbet on the slippery slope on the hill for WKFB news, handing you back to the studio.

And cut…………

“How the hell do you get this make-up off”?

“Aaarrrggghhh………my feet are melting” “Is that camera still running”?

“Oh this is so embarrassing; I’m leaving puddles everywhere I walk”

“I guess its snow use complaining…………”

Until next time peeps…….stay warm, stay safe and remember kids – don’t try this at home!!!


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