Bonjours peeps

I don’t know about you, but the past few weeks have been another learning curve for me and I’ve had the shock of my life as MY space has been invaded?

For a shy and retiring little cute doggy I have been very surprised at my owner for allowing another one of those Italian things into MY space. I didn’t mind JJ being around because he’s an easy wind up and I can annoy him any time I like. And I like annoying him – it pleases young Claude!!

But The Dearest One has not pleased me?

“Oh really Claudy poos…….and why is that then” I hear you all asking

The Italian thing in question is female – AND in pup. Pregnant, having puppies. The Dearest One never once asked me if I had any objections. Well peeps as you can imagine, I was far from amused.

Now here’s a new word I’ve learned ‘HORMONES’

Oh my God……………just what is it with you females? I had never heard of a hormone let alone met a living one!!

Good grief in just a few minutes I learned the word and also not to mess with them.

Quite unbelievable

If I had hormones I would be taken to the vet and have anti hormone injections

Can you eat hormones? If so then the Italian thing in our house has feasted on them

The Banker is strutting around the house singing ‘the female of the species is more deadlier than the male’ and he’s wearing the ‘been there…..’ T-shirt!!!!

The Dearest One hit him with a frying pan……….I had the bacon that was in it!!!!

Was it his singing??

Or was it her hormones??

Young Claude thinks the latter!!!

“What do you mean get outside” “What have I said now”

“Oh this is so unfair” “You’re always picking on me”

And so off around the garden I went. Don’t care

I’ll show her, won’t eat tonight

You just wait until we go training again – won’t do it. Nur nur nee nur nur

Call me childish – don’t care about that either

Oh no…….how embarrassing? I’m hormonal……..


I’m turning into one of them? A girly

And now Madame et Monsieur – Mature Claude will return

Just going to check all my bits are there…………….Oui

Good, not turning girly after all

Then I will begin

Oh not again – now what?

And now to rub salt into the wound if that hairy hormone in our house wasn’t bad enough, I’ve just heard on the canine vine that my mum is also hormonal. She was such a nice lady as well – or not as it turns out!!!

She’s also pregnant. And bloody hormonal no doubt

Having pups, and for those that have an interest in this type of thing (I don’t incidentally) they are due around the 21st of March at 4.37 am – in the morning that is!!!

That is so clever………how do they know that?? Claude is amazed

Ebene is my mum’s name and I knew her well (what)?? Eton is the Father of this litter to be – have I met him? I think so! Obviously got good taste in hormones

Can Ch Courailee Ebene
Novaforesta Eton


Now to me that’s not bad actually, but don’t you think for a second that any of them will be:

1. As gorgeous as me

2. As eccentric as I am

3. As so well trained

4. Have such a good owner as me (that comment sponsored by The Dearest One and a large helping of treats otherwise I wouldn’t have included it in my list)

5. And peeps it increases the English population of Claude’s and Claudette’s!!!
Vive le France

Anyway, whatever breeding is then it’s clearly popular. Might try it one day to see if I like it!!

But for now I’ve more important things on my mind?

Next doors farm cat came down to the house the other day. This is Claude’s place and Claude does not take too kindly to it being intruded upon and so being tough hard and strong I went and challenged this intruder.

Now I’m three times bigger than this stupid cat and it looks like a soft toy. It’s pathetic to be honest and of course I saw it for what it was. An intruder, trespasser, a threat to MY ground.

This cat had to go (Oh Oh!)

Sometime later……………..


“Claude, come on”

“Claude COME”

“Claude, where the hell are you”?

I crept out from under a bush down in the garden

“Has that cat gone”?

“Oh there you are” said The Dearest One

“What are you doing hiding under there”? “And what’s that cut on your nose”?

OK OK peeps, you can stop laughing now

And another valuable lesson in Claude’s career

And so THE cat is:

a) NOT stupid
b) Lightning fast
c) And just where the hell did those claws come from
d) And how come something so cute and cuddly and toy looking can be so vicious?
e) And also, how come it doesn’t like Claude? Everything loves Claude

Except that cat
The Spins – they just about put up with me
The parrot in the house nearly bit me once
Oh yes, and the horse…….read on!!!

And the Spins didn’t help – I wondered where those big hairy freaks were when I needed them the most. Clearly they know this cat and kept well out of the way – Smug B!@#$%^&#$

And the cat?? Well it licked MY blood off its claws, got bored and went away – smiling no doubt. GRRRR……

Hey hang on, I’ve not finished yet??

We’ve had above the rubbing salt into the wound thing and clearly the Barbet God’s were not shining on Claude that day either?

What have I done to upset them?


I’m perfection on legs for God’s sake – how can I, Claude Barbet, possibly upset anyone??

Read perfection on 3 legs?

Crawling out from under that bush I trod on a thorn and now the pad on my foot was sore and bleeding

Back up at the house The Dearest One took me – all battered and bruised (Oh no, now he’s gone into sympathy mode with added patheticness) into A & E

AKA – the kitchen

I pretended to be tough hard strong (again) in front of those ‘grinning like Cheshire cats’ Spins….did I mention cats?? My fault, sorry

Just the mention of them sends shivers down my nose

She rubbed an antiseptic wipe across my nose with all the care and dignity of a peasant storming the Bastille

I went through the agonising moment she took the thorn from my pad

My little pad (sympathy moment again) had an antiseptic moment as well and that was also as much fun as saying “Hi” to the cat!!

And even some morer time later……………

By now I was back to my normal self (like he’s ever been normal) and leaping and jumping and running around the place like it was all a bad dream.

Fit as le boucherie dog I am and if I could think of a song I would surely be singing it

The Dearest One came out of the house and for once didn’t have the idiot box strapped to her chest in case she missed the next episode of Cesar Milan does France!!!!!

Anyway, I followed her up to the Stables and went in with her to see what she was up to – as I do
Then she picked up a half bale of hay, I know its hay because I heard her mumbling about feeding the horse. FEEDING the horse…..could be some bits dropped and Claude’s not going to miss a piece of dropped feed. Too smart for that

She took the hay and walked off towards the field with said horse in it. Now I’m wary of the horse, this thing is the size of the house, has legs that go up to its body?? And are huge. This thing almost nearly, but not quite, although it was close, kicked JJ into outer space.

I’ll make sure she gets him next time…….Tee Hee……..


And hormones make for a miserable life

That bloody cats female, I’m sure of it

But the FEED is stronger than hormones!!!!

She put the hay down near to the fence and called said horse down…..and it did. And quickly
Am I the only slow four legged creature around here – so far the cat moves quicker than a quick thing on steroids and the horse was travelling at Mach 2 before it braked and skidded to a halt within inches of its hay. It looked cool – wish I could do that

The Dearest One stepped back to let her start feeding…….

Where the hell is the FEED I wondered, it can’t surely be wrapped up in that hay…….can it?

And so horsey started to eat the hay and like the idiot I am I thought that if I stuck my nose through the fence then surely a morsel of food would fall out and come to Claudy poos.

The food didn’t – the horse did!!!

As noted earlier the horse is big

Claude isn’t

The horse is fast

And yes you’ve guessed it? Claude wasn’t

Horse leapt at me to protect its hay

Claude with nose firmly in the fence leapt backwards as there was nowhere else to leap
Claude’s back legs let him down as did Claude’s bowels at this point and I gamboled backwards and through the poo – my poo

The Dearest One was crying

Or so I thought

She was crying though………with laughter and all the way back to the house, and did so for days afterwards every time she saw me – mmmmmm, now what’s a female dog called?

Lesson God knows what now – but it’s a lot. HORSES EAT HAY

There’s no food in it

JJ was right after all??

“Claude” he said one night as we were settling down “we have our differences, but don’t mess with the horse”

But I did have one malevolent thought?? The Dearest One had better be VERY careful now?
She just might wake up one morning with a horse’s head in her bed!!!

There was one good thing from the horsey moment though??

At least The Dearest One didn’t use antiseptic when cleaning my bum!!

Now that would have had me crying!!!!

And so back in the house JJ and I now have no choice but to share OUR settee with Unica, actually she has put a lot of weight on and I didn’t recognise her. The Dearest One is of course there as well, we don’t mind her as she is the source of our food – and it isn’t hay.

Thinking about it, that horse just eats grass and hay and look at the size of it – I eat meat – a carnivore (note use of big word there) and I’m smaller than a horse’s head. Not that I’ve lay next to one of course……………………………..yet!!!!!

But as for Unica……..she’s fine. Except for those HORMONES

And that cat is sure full of them as well…………

And for now peeps – that’s it

Take care, watch out for horse’s, cats and a thorn bush

Au revoir

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