don’t know about you, but the past few weeks have
been another learning curve for me and I’ve had
the shock of my life as MY space has been invaded?
a shy and retiring little cute doggy I have been very
surprised at my owner for allowing another one of those
Italian things into MY space. I didn’t mind JJ being
around because he’s an easy wind up and I can annoy
him any time I like. And I like annoying him – it
pleases young Claude!!
The Dearest One has not pleased me?
really Claudy poos…….and why is that then”
I hear you all asking
Italian thing in question is female – AND in pup.
Pregnant, having puppies. The Dearest One never once asked
me if I had any objections. Well peeps as you can imagine,
I was far from amused.
here’s a new word I’ve learned ‘HORMONES’
my God……………just what is
it with you females? I had never heard of a hormone let
alone met a living one!!
grief in just a few minutes I learned the word and also
not to mess with them.
I had hormones I would be taken to the vet and have anti
you eat hormones? If so then the Italian thing in our
house has feasted on them
Banker is strutting around the house singing ‘the
female of the species is more deadlier than the male’
and he’s wearing the ‘been there…..’
Dearest One hit him with a frying pan……….I
had the bacon that was in it!!!!
it his singing??
was it her hormones??
Claude thinks the latter!!!
do you mean get outside” “What have I said
this is so unfair” “You’re always picking
so off around the garden I went. Don’t care
show her, won’t eat tonight
just wait until we go training again – won’t
do it. Nur nur nee nur nur
me childish – don’t care about that either
no…….how embarrassing? I’m hormonal……..
turning into one of them? A girly
now Madame et Monsieur – Mature Claude will return
going to check all my bits are there…………….Oui
not turning girly after all
I will begin
not again – now what?
now to rub salt into the wound if that hairy hormone in
our house wasn’t bad enough, I’ve just heard
on the canine vine that my mum is also hormonal. She was
such a nice lady as well – or not as it turns out!!!
also pregnant. And bloody hormonal no doubt
pups, and for those that have an interest in this type
of thing (I don’t incidentally) they are due around
the 21st of March at 4.37 am – in the morning that
is so clever………how do they know that??
Claude is amazed
is my mum’s name and I knew her well (what)?? Eton
is the Father of this litter to be – have I met
him? I think so! Obviously got good taste in hormones
Ch Courailee Ebene
to me that’s not bad actually, but don’t you
think for a second that any of them will be:
As gorgeous as me
As eccentric as I am
As so well trained
Have such a good owner as me (that comment sponsored by
The Dearest One and a large helping of treats otherwise
I wouldn’t have included it in my list)
And peeps it increases the English population of Claude’s
Vive le France
whatever breeding is then it’s clearly popular.
Might try it one day to see if I like it!!
for now I’ve more important things on my mind?
doors farm cat came down to the house the other day. This
is Claude’s place and Claude does not take too kindly
to it being intruded upon and so being tough hard and
strong I went and challenged this intruder.
I’m three times bigger than this stupid cat and
it looks like a soft toy. It’s pathetic to be honest
and of course I saw it for what it was. An intruder, trespasser,
a threat to MY ground.
cat had to go (Oh Oh!)
where the hell are you”?
crept out from under a bush down in the garden
that cat gone”?
there you are” said The Dearest One
are you doing hiding under there”? “And what’s
that cut on your nose”?
OK peeps, you can stop laughing now
another valuable lesson in Claude’s career
so THE cat is:
b) Lightning fast
c) And just where the hell did those claws come from
d) And how come something so cute and cuddly and toy looking
can be so vicious?
e) And also, how come it doesn’t like Claude? Everything
The Spins – they just about put up with me
The parrot in the house nearly bit me once
Oh yes, and the horse…….read on!!!
the Spins didn’t help – I wondered where those
big hairy freaks were when I needed them the most. Clearly
they know this cat and kept well out of the way –
the cat?? Well it licked MY blood off its claws, got bored
and went away – smiling no doubt. GRRRR……
hang on, I’ve not finished yet??
had above the rubbing salt into the wound thing and clearly
the Barbet God’s were not shining on Claude that
have I done to upset them?
perfection on legs for God’s sake – how can
I, Claude Barbet, possibly upset anyone??
perfection on 3 legs?
out from under that bush I trod on a thorn and now the
pad on my foot was sore and bleeding
up at the house The Dearest One took me – all battered
and bruised (Oh no, now he’s gone into sympathy
mode with added patheticness) into A & E
– the kitchen
pretended to be tough hard strong (again) in front of
those ‘grinning like Cheshire cats’ Spins….did
I mention cats?? My fault, sorry
the mention of them sends shivers down my nose
rubbed an antiseptic wipe across my nose with all the
care and dignity of a peasant storming the Bastille
went through the agonising moment she took the thorn from
little pad (sympathy moment again) had an antiseptic moment
as well and that was also as much fun as saying “Hi”
to the cat!!
even some morer time later……………
now I was back to my normal self (like he’s ever
been normal) and leaping and jumping and running around
the place like it was all a bad dream.
Fit as le boucherie dog I am and if I could think of a
song I would surely be singing it
Dearest One came out of the house and for once didn’t
have the idiot box strapped to her chest in case she missed
the next episode of Cesar Milan does France!!!!!
I followed her up to the Stables and went in with her
to see what she was up to – as I do
Then she picked up a half bale of hay, I know its hay
because I heard her mumbling about feeding the horse.
FEEDING the horse…..could be some bits dropped and
Claude’s not going to miss a piece of dropped feed.
Too smart for that
took the hay and walked off towards the field with said
horse in it. Now I’m wary of the horse, this thing
is the size of the house, has legs that go up to its body??
And are huge. This thing almost nearly, but not quite,
although it was close, kicked JJ into outer space.
make sure she gets him next time…….Tee Hee……..
NO – SHE = HORMONES
hormones make for a miserable life
bloody cats female, I’m sure of it
the FEED is stronger than hormones!!!!
put the hay down near to the fence and called said horse
down…..and it did. And quickly
Am I the only slow four legged creature around here –
so far the cat moves quicker than a quick thing on steroids
and the horse was travelling at Mach 2 before it braked
and skidded to a halt within inches of its hay. It looked
cool – wish I could do that
Dearest One stepped back to let her start feeding…….
the hell is the FEED I wondered, it can’t surely
be wrapped up in that hay…….can it?
so horsey started to eat the hay and like the idiot I
am I thought that if I stuck my nose through the fence
then surely a morsel of food would fall out and come to
food didn’t – the horse did!!!
noted earlier the horse is big
horse is fast
yes you’ve guessed it? Claude wasn’t
leapt at me to protect its hay
with nose firmly in the fence leapt backwards as there
was nowhere else to leap
Claude’s back legs let him down as did Claude’s
bowels at this point and I gamboled backwards and through
the poo – my poo
Dearest One was crying
so I thought
was crying though………with laughter and
all the way back to the house, and did so for days afterwards
every time she saw me – mmmmmm, now what’s
a female dog called?
God knows what now – but it’s a lot. HORSES
no food in it
was right after all??
he said one night as we were settling down “we have
our differences, but don’t mess with the horse”
I did have one malevolent thought?? The Dearest One had
better be VERY careful now?
She just might wake up one morning with a horse’s
head in her bed!!!
was one good thing from the horsey moment though??
least The Dearest One didn’t use antiseptic when
cleaning my bum!!
that would have had me crying!!!!
so back in the house JJ and I now have no choice but to
share OUR settee with Unica, actually she has put a lot
of weight on and I didn’t recognise her. The Dearest
One is of course there as well, we don’t mind her
as she is the source of our food – and it isn’t
about it, that horse just eats grass and hay and look
at the size of it – I eat meat – a carnivore
(note use of big word there) and I’m smaller than
a horse’s head. Not that I’ve lay next to
one of course……………………………..yet!!!!!
as for Unica……..she’s fine. Except for
that cat is sure full of them as well…………
for now peeps – that’s it
care, watch out for horse’s, cats and a thorn bush