Bonjours peeps

It’s been a while since I’ve put paw to paper and made some notes for you but it’s also been a time for change?

You see peeps some upstart came home and claimed the place was his!!

Now you imagine my surprise when this man turned up and all the dogs went out to greet him like he was some sort of returning messiah. Certainly my owner thought he was and I chose to go all arrogant and ignore him. Until he got some treats out that is:

Then he was my best friend!!

I’m French, gorgeous and I can do that if I want to – and it’s got nothing to do with me being slightly two faced. When I went in the front room I noted he sat in MY place on the couch. There was only one thing for it?

I would get up alongside him and gently make it so uncomfortable for him that he would move. My time with the Spins has not been wasted!!

It failed

He just picked me up and made a fuss of me as do many of my adoring fans. Can’t help it when you’re this gorgeous – and he was no different. I thought I had cracked it when he put me back on the couch. This guy is one shrewd cookie let me tell you.

I was the one uncomfortable and slowly I gave in and went and beat the hell out of one of my toys. A squeaky ball!! I kept it for ages and the noise was awful and really messed up their viewing of the idiot box in the corner.

That was short lived as well because JJ got fed up of the squeaking and took my ball off me…….the big bully.

Or at least he thought he was?

I went up to him on HIS couch and attacked him. There ensued a big fight in a playful kind of way but for a big dog he was fast and when I did get the upper paw he simply got up and slapped me with the other one. Not to be outdone I twisted left and right to confuse him and all I did was wear myself out!!! And so to sleep………….

And just who the hell are you?
It turns out he really did own the place and as I learned later from the others he is my owners mate……or whatever they call them in human terms.

Damned nuisance I called him

But he kept his distance and ensured my owner remained my boss when training. She had the treats anyway so he stood no chance.

Shortly after he came home we all went off to a big country show – The Pembrokeshire Show which was really good fun as my mate Kallie was allowed to come with me. It really was Bonjours peeps all around and I went hoarse saying it to all my adoring fans

Now I’m not sure what these shows are all about but there were millions of people, the weather was hot and there was a dog show on as well. Although my owner had not entered this time round and it would have been academic anyway??

I was the star of the show!!!

Oh yes peeps it took us ages to get anywhere with so many of my fans coming up and stroking me and asking the usual question “What is it”……….. Sacre Bleu!

You have no idea what it’s like, I now know what your pop stars have to go through with all the fans and the press and the camera’s.

It’s the price I have to pay for being French and Gorgeous……..well someone has to do it don’t they?

We went to a place where this man was keeping Raptors? Birds of Prey…….I stood there looking at them and thought they were just like ducks but with attitude!!

Some were big and some not so but I was kept back away from them. But one of them caught my eye? Apparently it was called an owl – and his name was Gollum!!

Now I’ve no idea about Gollum but his big beady eyes followed me everywhere and he was really spooky. And even spookier was his head turned almost completely around. I tried it and nearly beheaded myself much to the amusement of my owner and ‘him’.

But that owl was a real odd ball and made me glad there weren’t any dogs like that – are there??

The show was a temple of food in places and Kallie and I got treats all over the place. The smells of roasts and cooking meat were everywhere and so were we – eventually. ‘Eventually’ due to the fact that nearly everyone was stopping us to ask what I was!!

Another hour of that and I would have been off to join the Legionnaires………even I had had enough.

The farm animals were a hoot (or was that Gollum) but some of them – WOW and sacre bleu peeps, some of them were huge. Bulls – ugly but enormous and I gave them a very very wide berth. Respect was due and I gave it!!

It was a great day out and I thoroughly enjoyed my fan base turning out to see me and make a fuss over me. Kallie and I shared the treats and I’m glad I’ve got paws thinking about it?

All those autograph hunters!!

Then came the day of shame??

There is no easy way to put this

My owner, The Dearest One, She who must be obeyed (occasionally) called me over one morning “Oh Claudy poos, where’s my little Beau Geste”

One day woman you will feel the wrath of the French Beast inside me…….Grrrrr

I went over anyway, you never know do you? Could be treat time

It wasn’t!

I was taken into the grooming parlour and my immediate thought was “EXCELLENT”

Beautifying the Barbet was on the agenda (could I really be more gorgeous)?

It wasn’t

Claude was groomed, and we’re talking groomed as in a haircut and then some. I went from looking like a mop with no handle to looking like a dog!!!

Just how embarrassing is that

The terror in my head was multiplied when about the only thing that wasn’t groomed was my French er………..well you know

I had visions of the Spins on their backs laughing their heads off

I had thoughts of my fans leaving in droves as they asked “What the hell is that”

Or even “What was that”?

I looked half the dog I was before – literally!!

And all my hair on the floor as well – she could have made another Claude from that lot – Don’t worry peeps? There could never be two Claude’s!!

Then to add to my humiliation – she bathed me!!

ME peeps – Claude of the seven seas and lots of ponds and she baths me!!!

Now I even smelled French………(Chanel No 5 I think it was)

Oh god this was awful – it was bad enough before, but now I smelled as well

Then like a mad scientist she proclaimed success and I was now ultra gorgeous!! Oh really

I looked in the mirror and nearly feinted.

And just who the hell are you!!!!!!

Now here’s an odd thing, I felt brilliant if I’m honest and charged outside feeling like a new dog - but lightweight.

I jumped in the pond – especially now ‘he’ had cleared a big chunk of it of reeds and stuff and that pond is my new ‘must have’ playground – The Dearest One is not so enthralled though because every time I go out now – SPLASH…………..

This did not go down well at all. I saw her drinking tea and couldn’t quite make out the words but they weren’t English or French……I may have heard a version of Sacre Bleu but not quite put like that

And so we have a new look Claude!!

And I’m all curly now and probably a damned site cuter for it

And the Spins, I hear you ask??

Speechless - not a word from them and they went round for days afterwards very very quietly as I told them they were next on the table!!

Oh so devious Claude?

A few days later much to my horror the Spins were indeed next on the table – and they blamed me!!! Run Claude, run…………..

The next shock horror was the day we went to the beach……….oh God

Although I went with some of the Spins I decided that this was the day I would do my own thing and having an ego the size of a small planet I had also decided that nothing today would phase me, this was going to be Claude the invincible!!!

What Tsunami?? More to the point what is a Tsunami??

My delusions of Grandeur were short lived as The Dearest One wearing this year’s fashion statement? Her Armani waders – slowly waded into the sea and with a toy of mine and coaxed me in with her. For a while I stayed in my depth as the sea was a little bit agitated!!

I took a deep breath and strode with confidence onwards and inwards towards the wading woman with the toy………

OH POO………..

My bowels edged towards self destruct as a gigantic one foot Tsunami powered its way towards me and I had nowhere to go……..

Claude felt the first twinges of Pooing himself

Miss Waders 2012 came over to rescue me – or rather to make sure I had not been turned into canine seaweed

The giant tsunami crashed over me and I was now a very wet little puppy dog – oh bless him!!

But this is Claude Barbet – Super dog and hero to millions!! CB was un-phased, apart from the bowel twitching!! Even the sea with all its might could not upset my day out.

Then suddenly I discovered that my feet were no longer touching mother earth and I was now a floating Barbet – I know what you’re thinking?

‘Is there simply no end to Claude’s talents’ – a floating Barbet!!

I paddled towards the Wading One who was at least 3 metres from the shore!! And she showed me a treat!!! Not this time lady I’m now swimming and have defeated the mighty tsunami. And I hate salted treats……….

Shortly afterwards I headed back towards the beach and dry land and felt exhilarated by my excursion into the deep blue sea, well its grayish really and I just wanted to glamorise the moment……..coz I can!!

So that’s a tsunami is it?

Interesting, and not as scary as I thought. Well bring it on deep grayish sea because Claude is no longer bothered by your tsunamis.

Claude got praised for his breath taking bravery and Claude got two treats. So there!!

Well after that everything else was easy, annoy the Spins, chase the ball, have another treat because she can’t help it!! And of course a little bit more of the training as well?

Although I am being trained I still enjoy the play that goes with it and ‘He’ found a really good stick that The Wading One used so I could have 5 minutes of training. Sit, stay – watch the stick and where it lands and then she sends me off to retrieve it. Easy and good fun.

And occasionally – a treat if I bring it back to her properly – as I do of course


So in a week when ‘He’ came home, I went to a country show and met old spooky eyes – Gollum, and then lost my voice having to repeat Bonjour peeps to millions of my fans, I then took on and defeated a giant tsunami when we went to the beach.

AND I’m only 6 months old!!

Am I good or am I GOOD?

OK peeps, that’s it for now but watch out because there will be another adventures shortly

(OK OK be patient, I know you can’t wait, but Claude is in much demand)

Au revoir for now – I’m off to bed.

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