Banker and JJ - one to one
An interview with JJ Spinone
came home not long back and predominantly my tasks were
listed in an agenda handed to me by the Dearest one. The
agenda was of course made up of several ‘jobs’
that wanted doing in and around the house. There were
of a course a number of little things to do as well and
these I duly prioritized in with the bigger items on the
Number one item was “Dog sitting” –
this was the critical element – the dog sitting.
And it started like this:
“You are to stay here and look after the dogs while
I go off to Crufts and show Savannah” “you
will exercise said dogs, feed them and ensure the health
and welfare of them while I am away”
“Is that clear”?
“Oh yes Dear” “how long will you be
“Just for the day” “but that’s
long enough for you, and as it involves multi tasking
I don’t think you could last more than a day without
suffering a seizure”
“Thank you dear, will that be all”?
“NO………..of course not “
“Food is in here, biscuits here, and don’t
forget this and that and the other” “don’t
do this, but you can do that………”
Blah blah blah…………..it all went
into a haze at this point………………
then the dearest one was gone…………….
then the dearest one came back…………..
got reserve and I’m delighted, over the moon”
so she was.
are to be pleased as well and show it through smiling
and agreeing with me”
yes dear magnificent, well done and (smiling) what a great
man – now fetch me a fresh mug of tea”
dear, of course dear – you must be exhausted from
all the praise you’ve had”!!!
asked about the judging, the competitors, the crowds,
the stalls, the everything.
day ended peacefully. As they do!!!!!
a few days later the Dearest one suggested!! We –
WE take the dogs for a walk in the park. Oh Goody……….where
the hell was this on the ‘agenda’??
Now the park is a BIG park
It is about an hour’s drive away and consists of
- a park!! A considerably large and confusing wooded area
consisting of a mix of both coniferous and deciduous trees,
a couple of splendid wild life ponds, small but steep
hillocks, lots of paths, strategically located benches
and other carbon life forms walking around with or without
their canine accompaniment.
This “park” also leads onto a beach, a flat
beach that’s protected by sand dunes on one side
and nothing but the sea on the other side!!! A minor sea
breeze on the ‘other’ side of those dunes
is like a raging tempest against you.
I smile as we saunter along, or rather the ‘breeze’
was forcing my cheeks back making it look like I was smiling.
Underneath I was seething and mildly swearing at the way
nature was making me look.
Anyway, the intention is to drive to the park, empty half
a dozen Spins out of the Landy and let them run for 3
or 4 hours.
Yes people – the same Spins who have no concept
of sit, stay, leads, other life forms and generally doing
what they want, when they want……….Woofyleaks
met up with another carbon life form also stupid enough
to have bought some Spins along as well. So there were
many Spins…………I went all religious
moment – “Hallelujah”
– sweeties, dog toys, lighter, anabolic steroids,
fruit juices, beta blockers, leads (what the hell for
I don’t know) survival pack, Swiss army knife, cigarettes,
cigars, doggy treats, high protein food packs, spare boot
laces, note pad, pen, camera, mobile phone, compass, flare
gun and flares, GPS and of course 5 x 2 gallon flasks
of tea!!! (And none for me, the Dearest one ‘forgot’
Dearest One had nominated me as chief…………………..rucksack
carrier!!! It took the 3 of us humanoids to lift it and
then the Dearest One and friend unceremoniously ‘helped’
me get the straps over my shoulders and rest the bag on
my back. I collapsed…….then helping me up,
I balanced out the weight of the rucksack on my back against
a 30 degree forward lean to compensate. This is not so
bad I thought, until I tried forward leg movement. I collapsed…….
Eventually after the third attempt we got going…………..
off we go………… (Oh God)
was lost and disorientated after the first 50metres!!
dogs were everywhere and whilst mainly staying in pack
mode they failed to walk………walkies my
ass…………those dogs couldn’t
walk anywhere even if you tied their back legs together.
And even then you’d have to catch them. No hope………..
Dearest one and friend babbled aimlessly away to themselves
leaving me to contemplate the theory of relativity and
all known sciences along with further contemplating what
the hell I was doing there given the ‘list’
I was handed with all those jobs to do at home.
My mate JJ was among the ‘pack’ and he occasionally
came back up to me to see if I was still breathing, let
alone keeping up with them all.
The Spins would clear off and sniff, stoop, lift a hind
leg at what appeared to me to be almost every other tree.
That reminds me – if, and it’s a BIG IF, I
get reincarnated I do not want to be a tree!!!
Anyway, on we marched, us 3 humanoids, trees passed, paths
crossed, until suddenly!!! We came across a pond, fair
sized and deep.
And here came the Spins, to completely ruin the day of
the Coots, Mallards, the Frogs and toads and whatever
else lurked in amongst those reeds. The latter were mating,
well up till those Spins got in the water!!!! Mating season
abruptly halted. Albeit temporarily………
Spins fetched out of the water sticks and tennis balls.
Oh whoopy doo………..
They shook themselves down – all except one? JJ
DOG…………what a wimp. He went in
up to his knees and decided it was not for him, yet took
the ball/stick from whoever was retrieving at the time
and proudly bought it back to us (well nearly/ almost
could of done if he could have been bothered)
Through my observations I noted that the 3 of us (humanoids)
did more of the retrieving than the Spins. Yet they got
all the praise……….some of these you
can see in the gallery as this was a ‘photo opportunity’
so it was onwards and forwards. Or backwards or sideways,
I of course hadn’t a clue as to where we were. Some
bloody walk this was turning out to be……….
came up to me and asked if I was OK, “yea sure”
I said – he had that look about him and I knew he
wanted to tell me something. He cleared off again, but
I got the impression he would be back.
somehow we got to the beach and there were ‘others’
on the beach. The dogs kept running. The Dearest one and
friend kept babbling, but at this stage I’m not
sure if they knew what each other was saying given the
‘breeze’ carrying their voices away. And as
for me? I kept thinking and observing.
a while we headed back up into the sand dunes and over
the top of them back into the woods (No breeze) and then
we met other humanoids with their own pack of beasties.
look its such and such with fluffybella looloo and Ripper
and Gnasher” and so on. The Spins are Spins and
all without exception treated these minion beasties with
disdain, lower class of canine and generally ignored them.
Except one? Yep…..my mate JJ
He sauntered over to me and stood by my side as if to
tell the others he had joined forces with the ‘other’
Alpha male. I could hear him thinking and the look on
his face said everything. “What’s the point
of all that barking and yapping? And for what? Attention,
food or just an inferiority complex from the little dog”?
“Oh what it is to be a Spin……….”
dogs by now were in and out of pond number two and fetching
all sorts of flotsam and jetsam from, in and around the
pond. Including the tennis ball brigade
knelt down to sit with JJ and he asked me if he was going
back into the show ring one day to be shown as he felt
he “had what it took”
I said I didn’t know but it was a shame that he
wasn’t, being such a fine dog as it were, in my
view of course. I went on to explain to JJ that he was
withdrawn from the ring because he didn’t have the
right attitude? I mean yawning your head off in the initial
lineup is not a strong showing point. And then that nice
bitch sat on the edge of the ring you stopped and winked
at was not showing yourself off in the best light. And
I don’t believe you did yourself any favours cocking
your leg at the judges table. And quite honestly JJ if
you really want to go back in the ring you will have to
follow the rules.
agreed to chat later and compare notes.
remaining dogs and humans had by now finished sniffing
each other and stooping and cocking legs up trees and
it was decided we should move on in our separate ways
through the woods. Oh what joy………………
The dogs had finished sniffing each other – the
humans I’m not sure about
for me it was getting better?? The Dearest One had consumed
3 of the 5 flasks of tea so my carrying burden was considerably
let JJ off his lead and off he went running into the woods
to catch up with the others.
I wondered if his back legs ached more than front as it
appeared to me that at every other tree he would cock
his leg. He never seemed to stride out and run the distance.
Run, leg up, wait, leg down and off again. Just where
the hell does all that liquid get stored? Amazing………it’s
not like he has drunk 3 flasks of tea
The Dearest one has of course!!! (But on the other hand
she wasn’t stooping at ever other tree either) “Curiouser
and Curiouser” said Alice
marched onwards and upwards, and downwards, and sideways
again and again. I was losing faith now that the Landy
would ever be seen again. Still we had our supplies and
someone would rescue us. I thought we could send one of
the dogs off to get search and rescue for us, but then
realized if the worst came to the worst then no dog would
go off for us and find help?? We were a potential meat
source for them if it all went wrong!!!!
(I think I’ve seen too many movies)
Eventually, after tea breaks (The Dearest one) small stops
for something or other we suddenly came out back in the
car park!!!!!! Yipeeeee…………we
made it. Or rather I made it. Then came doggy treat time.
Of course if you have a packet of doggy treats in your
pocket and open it in front of them, guess who becomes
instantly popular? And no it wasn’t me.
a fracas, no discipline at all those Spins? They did not
queue like us idiots do, it was a free for all and first
come first served including those who pushed, barged,
jumped and leapt to the front on more than one occasion.
And they all look the same so how do you know who’s
had what? And who cares?
with the Landy loaded full of Spins we were off home.
I wondered how the Dearest One knew we had all ‘our’
dogs. There were lots of them and how do I know that one
stranger didn’t ‘sneak’ on board??
The next day I was knackered, er……….tired,
my back was the shape of an apes and my arms and shoulders
were alien limbs to me. And so the ‘to do’
agenda was curtailed somewhat to the smaller agenda items
on my ‘to do’ list.
During the following day I followed through with JJ what
we started to talk about in the woods. I took some notes
and the following is what we concluded:
couple of years ago or more the Dearest one entered our
Spins in everything. I entered into the spirit of things
by sponsoring our Spins for the show ring. But all is
not what it seems?
You name it and we had a dog in it.
dog with four legs
Puppy with a tail
Bitch in a Bikini
dog in a thong
mature dog without a walking frame
out of breed
dog in uniform
Page 3, ‘Dogs World’ Bitch
Dog without a limp
dog with all the correct breed standard attributes!!
dressed dog (this went to the Springer I saw at a show
who was in a Barbour and green wellies)
finally, Best dog you could show to Ceasar Milan!!!!!
name it and we were in it……….
I love the local shows – I think they call them
open shows, it is similar in the horsey world as well.
There are the local shows where local villages centralize
a location to have an annual show. Some of these are steeped
in history and nowadays a genuinely great day out.
used to show horses once and that was great fun –
I don’t like horses, yet have to admit I had some
wonderful times at those shows including ‘The Royal
Welsh’ – oh yes………..been
there, done that………….
take it very personally!! Others like us had a day out,
met like minded folk, had a laugh and win or lose we had
was at these shows I met some fascinating characters that
will live with me forever. I have been so so lucky that
in my life I have met and befriended some real English
and Welsh Eccentrics . Yes, the real eccentrics that make
you laugh at their dress code, their outlook on life and
moreover their undying love of NOT letting go of tradition.
examples………..and these are ALL true
(no names and no locations)!!!!!!!
I was offered a fresh water salmon fishing trip near to
a farm where I lived. Innocently, off I went with the
farmer and his teenage son. We got to the river and son
and I were ‘instructed’, ‘suggested’
to STAY under the bridge?
We had NO rods and lines!!! I heard the boot of the Landy
open and close……….all went very quiet!!!
Then without warning a small firework type sparkler hit
the water about 20 metres in front of us.
BOOM……….I went deaf for a couple minutes,
then realized I was soaked to the skin from the water
exploding all over me.
My eccentric friend had thrown a stick of dynamite in
the river to ‘stun’ the fish –
And the idiot under the bridge………….
“You’re wet enough, now get in there and pick
we did………..several of them. all in one
piece, all very stunned!! And all big…..I don’t
like salmon!!! But several people told me they had never
had such wonderfully fresh tasting salmon in their lives
“Oh, where did you get this……its lovely”
love shooting and have been privileged to shoot at many
well known top gun (read top money) shoots across the
country. My role in those days was of retriever!! Not
the dog of course!! But I stood at a shooting post with
a wealthy person who had paid out a small fortune to shoot
that day. I had my dog and between us we had a ball (fun
- and not a ball as in tennis or football)
The people with the money are a breed apart and some complete
idiots, others deserved their money and the rest……………well
let’s leave it that. But the stories……..I
could write a book. A comedy…………
Some of them were really good shots, others had forgot
to bring their glasses out of the Range Rover and were,
quite frankly, a danger to us all. Even me, stood next
The dogs weren’t safe and they on the ground………….
I dreaded the afternoons when we were beating through
a wood with the dogs and of course they would flush rabbits………these
were game to the shots out in the field. Unfortunately
in the heat of the moment the dogs were also targeted
by short sighted over armed and generally crap shots………..and
NO, I never saw a dog hurt. Bloody close sometimes but
not actually hurt.
Hip flasks, cucumber sandwiches, fresh homemade cake,
sloe gins, Range Rovers, Defenders, every type of whisky
you could imagine, and the most interesting gossip and
alternative rubbish you could ever think of was the chat
of the day.
And the clothing……….oh yes the clothing.
It is a strict rule that if you are not in the correct
attire you cannot and will not be allowed to shoot. It
is an unwritten law. Imagine then some of the cost of
getting lord and ladies clothes. Hers a size 18++ and
him with 48 inch waist……..oh god you should
see some of them.
On muddy, rainy and miserable days it was business as
usual……….unless you’re the above
maneuvering through mud and muck………
It took four of us once to get his lordship on two legs
after going down in a stream. Only for her ladyship to
complain it was to ‘mucky’ and we were to
escort her back to the house. Only for her to go face
down in the mud whilst cursing us, life and the weather.
“Er………look out there’s a…………forget
it, let us help you up……….”
A friend of mine said to me one day………”I’ve
got an idea”!!!!!!!!
This friend was a raving lunatic. A highly decorated war
vet, an eccentric and an amazing human being “oh
no” I thought, pulse racing.
“We’ll take the Bikes (my passion –
motor cycles) to the French Grand Prix”
“But its next week and I have to work”
previous experience with this genuine lunatic, I agreed.
We met a week later and I was fully prepared!! We had
no maps, nothing booked and for some unknown reason that
still haunts me today, we still set off………
Now in those days!! The French Bike GP was held at Circuit
Paul Ricard, next door to the village where they make
PERNOD in the South of France!!!!!! So navigation was
easy…….we just asked where Pernod was…….right??
Wrong because every Frenchman has a bottle somewhere!!!!!
We also went the wrong way down there………Don’t
A two day trip took 4.
We got there race day. Now that was good………….
When the racing finished HE decided that instead of going
home we would ‘tour’ the whole of the coastline
across the South of France!!!
And NO I am not joking……….
Work? What work??????
spent 3 weeks along that coast. No, that’s not strictly
true. He spent 4 months down there. I ran out of money
and some of his and had to come back.
met up some time later and I asked him where he’d
been and who with? As you do…
I can only tell you that she was utterly gorgeous. They
married (I went) they had 3 kids and lived happily ever
after. Today they live near Banff in Canada.
why all that rubbish above?
we all have a story……about people or a person
life and the strange behavioral patterns some humans have?
sheep and the shepherd. Those who lead and those who follow……bleat
bleat I went, setting off for the South of France!!!!!!!
Wolf? Feed it and befriend it to your own advantage, make
an enemy of it and get eaten up with the rest
‘Groupie’ always there following you around,
but never part of you
friend of a friend syndrome, Look after them and they
will in turn look after you!!
one’s who for selfish reasons need to be seen to
be the best of the best, at any price and despite the
obvious behind the scenes maneuvering. Sadly this group
is simply making fools of themselves and in turn ONLY
have a very small group of hangers on. Not friends as
in friendship……….but hangers on. In
it, for their own means
ALL know one of the above category…………
last but not least?
one’s who want to be a part of it, but have never
really grasped how to be a part of it and go over the
top in trying.
These are the most dangerous? These get to the point of
mistakes, upsetting those they wish to be part of and
when that fails they play one off against the other. Eventually
getting isolated and lost………………………..
We show in ALL our local events and I know the Dearest
one has had some laughs at the local open shows because
the judge – normally a local village celebrity who
has never even seen a Spinone let alone judged one!!
in amongst the kids dogs with best dresses on (the dogs
not the kids) and the locals sheep dogs rounding the audience
into the pen and then herding the cars in the car park
to a frenzy where no one can get in or out, our Spins
become winners outside of the ring with the crowds all
curious and the kids loving its demeanor (it’s usually
laid out on the grass by now)
It is this spirit that these shows entertain and amuse,
and of course are entertaining. Who the hell cares if
you win or lose? We didn’t, it was good to support
the event, families met the Spins, we meet the locals
and we all enjoyed the day come rain or shine.
Spinone is a unique and wonderful breed, I have said this
it is JJ whom I have an association with the most in amongst
all our Spins. Why?
Well because he was the one who introduced me to Woofyleaks
and stops to chat with me when we’re out and about.
He’s the one that annoys us the most with his belligerent
attitude and the one who is afraid of nothing!!! He is
the one always at the back of the pack when trouble kicks
off!!!!! Bloody wimp……..
JJ and I have an affinity (not that I’m a wimp)!!
He will stay with me when we’re out and about, if
we’re out together at home he listens to my waffling
and sometimes we’ll have a cup of tea and a biscuit
together. Sometimes he shares his Winalot treats with
me (better eaten with a coffee) and I share my Digestives
with him (a tea biscuit)
But for some unknown reason JJ and I share a common bond?
He watches and observes – and so do I……………….
is with this Affinity that a little while back I asked
JJ if he would let me interview him, a one to one away
from the other dogs, partially because I wanted to know
what makes him (them) tick, and partially to give you
an insight into the thinking of a Spinnone.
I have written much about Woofyleaks and indeed about
my personal interactions with the Spins in general. This
Bankers note really started to ‘hatch’ after
the walk in the park as noted above when JJ kept coming
back to me. I suspect mainly out of pity……….
have you ever stopped to think what they might be thinking??
have, and so without any further delays here is the JJ
interview in full:
– Now JJ I know you watch me carefully and as a
trusted biped I am intrigued as too why you take such
an interest. The head movement when I talk to you, the
movement in anticipation…why do you this?
– We know we can’t take over the world but
on the other hand we need to keep an eye on our development.
You humans think you know it all and can do it all, but
your sense of smell is hopeless, your hearing very poor,
you can’t run as fast nor cover the terrain we can.
So we are adapting ourselves to your good points –
that’s why I watch, listen and try to comprehend
you. We’ll never take over the world – no
– but we have taken over yours!!!!!
– Wow, that is pretty condemning of us and whilst
you are right of course, the one thing we can do better
than you is of course think for ourselves and do for ourselves
– Yes but you are hopeless when small. Our puppies
can feed themselves, walk as we do from virtually day
one. Within weeks we can run and fend for ourselves. In
the home this is easy for us because you do it all for
us, but if we’re in the wild we would survive. You
– This is all very negative, but what about a mate?
– Who cares? If she’s ready then we do what
we have to do - your species is lucky as she’s always
ready!! And you can control your breeding. We can’t
and don’t need to because it is about survival.
The issue here is of course the fact that we’re
wild animals at heart and therefore we are balanced by
nature. It was only when you interfered with it that we
are today where we are with our line
– So we have got the tough bits out of the way,
what about Woofyleaks and how did that come about?
– We Spins recognized long ago that you used us
for what we were intended for. HPR as you call it. We
consider ourselves elite amongst the canines. Some time
back a group got together and decided to rebel against
the humans and make life as difficult as we could hoping
you would free us and allow us to do what we pleased when
we pleased. You lot rebelled and for a while we had to
regroup and rethink our strategy
– OK I understand all that but why are you so set
in your ways and inconsiderate when we have your best
interest at heart. After all if you’re hurt we take
you to the vet, you can’t do that in the wild
– Yes this is true enough but on the other hand
in the wild we let nature take its course and the best
of the best survive, all our species survived long before
there were any vets? This method is cheaper and nature
does not cost a fortune!! So how come we’re still
– Good point – but go on about Woofyleaks
– Anyway, we decided we would produce a sort of
10 commandments for our breed to follow:
Don’t fetch the ball, Don’t sit when told
and definitely don’t let you put a lead on us
2. In the house, take up all the couches and chairs and
if a human sits next to you stretch out over it until
it moves. If we’re on the floor then lay down in
all the most inconvenient places – but make sure
its within dropping distance of food
3. If off the lead – clear off into the distance,
this is one my favourites and a lot of owners poo themselves
thinking we’re gone for good. In reality we know
EXACTLY where you are because we smell you out –
4. Be first third and fifth in the food queue
5. At the first opportunity lay down and get instantly
bored – create maximum embarrassment for the human
6. Show when we want and NOT when you want
7. Sniff children in pushchairs – as we are much
higher than them and they’re useless creatures anyway
this is great fun as it upsets the humans
8. Snatch food from strangers – another super annoying
trait we love to do
9. Pull constantly on the lead or refuse to go at your
pace and even stop - just because we can
10. Take full advantage of our demeanor and use it against
Again – There are of course other minor one’s
but these we consider cast in stone if I can use that
– If we are that bad then why stick with us?
– It’s not that you’re bad, it’s
just an easy life. I mean why should we revert to nature
when you give us all we want anyway. That’s just
ridiculous. No different to you in that respect - if you
had an endless stream of money you would be just like
– Ah JJ you got me there – you’re right.
But this does not explain the 10 commandments does it?
- In a way it does, as we all elected to follow them because
otherwise what fun would it be? We would be thoroughly
bored and having the instinct to HPR we need to be out
and about. We need to be able to strut our stuff and so
the 10 commandments gave us the opportunity to be ourselves
but at the same time take full advantage of you humans.
If you weren’t so stupid we would not have that
level of freedom would we?
Take where we live for instance, we’re lucky to
have the fields and woods to run around in
– Yes you do, but why then do you completely ignore
my calls and whistles when I want you back in –
even at food time?
This is easy. Do you know how funny it is for us when
you come out of a night for example with a torch and look
for us. We know where you are and yet you have no idea
where we are and as you know from experience most of the
time we have sneaked in behind you leaving you outside
calling and whistling when we’re already eating
or asleep – when you’ve come back in and cursed
us and disappeared into your room we have a right old
– Oh so you think that’s funny do you? From
our perspective we don’t want you in the field where
the sheep are. We don’t want you running down to
the road and although it’s a mile away you could
get there in minutes. We care about what’s around
– The sheep are no challenge to us. Waste of time
they are. They are just big fur balls and can’t
run and we have to chew through 6 inches of wool just
to get to the skin. It’s no wonder you eat them
because you have tools to do it with – and anyway
why waste time on something that’s not a challenge
– So what is a challenge to you then?
Rabbits are excellent fun. Fast, turn quickly and have
holes they dive in. if we get one they are easy to destroy
and are tasty even raw
– Oh great, a bit too much information but I get
your point. So the rabbit offers a challenge, what else?
– Foxes. They smell to kingdom come, are very clever
and cunning. They’re easy for us to track because
they use one run consistently that is there boundary and
yet are fast if spotted. They can fight as well and this
is the ultimate challenge. We’ve seen them here
and have gone after them but you fence off the fields
and ruin our moment
Chickens are useless but I like them cooked and with a
few biscuits, if you have made that gravy stuff of yours
then that’s even better. You can’t hunt that
and if you do we couldn’t prepare the gravy
cars are a clear and present danger and we still don’t
understand them and they break your teeth if you bite
one. The Landys good though because if we’re in
that we know we’re about to have fun. But I will
tell you this………..we know the difference
between a show drive, a vet drive and a run in the park
or the beach
- That’s interesting. How can you tell the difference?
– That’s easy. The show is when you take the
Tea urn, the vet is the atmosphere of not knowing what
to expect and the run around the park or the beach is
the clothing – and lots of tea urns!!!!
other thing is the sense we get from how you react and
the atmosphere you set up for us – that’s
where we score over you humans. We can sense everything
– So what about the Land Rover coming up the drive
to the house then? How do you know and why bark if you
‘think’ you already know who it is?
– We can both hear it miles before you can and of
course sense the air change, this is what we do naturally.
The barking is a contingency really? It is us covering
our backs just in case the Landy is another one from the
farm next door – either way we’re right!!
– What hobbies do you have?
– I love picking up the Springer after he’s
fetched your stupid ball or stick. He is such an idiot
and completely brainless. I like to poo against an object
because it makes it really difficult for you to pick it
up. I enjoy chewing bones and those tripe sticks, but
I guess I like taking them off the Springer as well –
a great feeling of satisfaction. At food time I enjoy
sitting down at the back of the queue, not like the others
jumping and woofing – that to me is a waste of time
and energy because you’re going to feed me anyway.
And on that subject I eat last as well because then I
can pretend to rip the heads off the others who have finished
before me and come to see if I’ve left any food
in my bowl. I like pottering around the garden and the
woods as well – just doing my own thing. Duncan’s
like that as well and when we get fed up we come back
– Do you have anything you hate?
– Oh yes there are a couple of things. Being kept
from the in season bitch, that’s really frustrating.
That Old Springer gets it then………I also
hate the vet
hate being cut, trimmed and generally tidied up. I am
comfortable as I am and I don’t need you to make
me look how ‘you’ want me to look
I don’t like to be shown either, I’m the best
anyway and you don’t need a judge to tell you that
I hate myself at times for being over annoying, but I
love it in equal measure, it pleasures me to see you so
– So what do you love then?
– Oh that’s easy, bitches in season, the right
food, blasting around the park and beach, being utterly
belligerent to others when we’re out, pulling your
legs off if you’ve got me on a lead, doing the opposite
to the command.
– So are you admitting then that you a real pain
in the ass at times?
– I’m disappointed in that statement for one
reason? And that is the “at times” bit –
I, and I suppose ‘we’ want to be the pain
in the ass all the time – not part time
– JJ, we could fall out here and now. It’s
not that you’re all the same you know. I hate to
disappoint you but you all have different personalities
like us humans. Mia is very good with us for example,
Savannah is the opposite, Duncan in the middle and Kallie
has good days. So what is it with you?
– I introduced you to Woofyleaks for no other reason
than you could adjust to us. Not change you of course,
but adjust. For me, Woofyleaks epitomizes how we should
be, it is the definitive guide for all us Spins to follow
and each of us has our own interpretation of it, hence
why you have the mixture of us as you said earlier in
– So what you’re saying JJ is that we should
put up and shut up?
– Well yes of course. If you want us as your ‘pets’
then those are the rules. You have yours and we have ours.
Why not? It is after all what you call democratic. Some
you win and most you don’t!!
– Do you think this interview has helped bridge
the gap between us humans and you Spins?
– Yes to be fair I do. Now that we are here in numbers
the timing was right for us to talk like this. I think
also talking to you it has helped me see things differently.
But don’t go thinking we will change just to suit
you. If we allowed that to happen then the balance of
power would change also. As it stands today we have I
think, both accepted the compromise
– We’ll close the interview now JJ, do have
any last words of advice for us?
– I don’t think that in the future things
will change no matter the Spin or the owner, we have our
10 commandments and all Spins live by them. You should
do your best to accept that that is the way it is and
is going to be. I will say this though – you as
a species are quite good and do look after us very well.
Although we can survive without you it is the one thing
we did give in to. You humans were never going to go away
so sensibly we decided as a breed that it was better to
live with you than without, but with conditions. It is
those conditions that we set out in the 10 Commandments
– Thank you JJ for your patience and your time in
allowing me to interview you like this, I’ve enjoyed
– Yes Thank you to and I also felt it was useful
for both our species. Now, where’s my tripe stick
and vet bed, I’m bored now!!!!!!
interview finished, JJ wanders off to take his tripe stick
and the one off the Springer back to his vet bed. Although
someone else is lying on it this makes no difference as
he will no doubt lay on them and then they have to move
off ‘his’ vet bed so it’s his for him
alone to rest on ………..
It seems to me that the Spins 10 Commandments are not
just for us humans???