Forward by The Banker

Dear Reader

Due to enforced pressure from all the Spins in the house I am ‘obliged’ to hand over this set of Bankers Notes to JJ. I will explain…………

Some of you will of course be familiar with JJ as he is the one who had his Problem Page published along with him being famous for releasing Woofyleaks. JJ is also well known as the Face of our Land Rover – it’s his head on the rear wheel cover. And last but not least, JJ is of course my favourite of all our Spins………….as for JJ?? He doesn’t have a favourite unless it feeds him and lets him out or takes him out to exercise!!!

But the other day he came up to me and explained that they (The Spins) have had a meeting and all agreed unanimously that they were fed up with the Bankers Notes always ‘claiming’ or ‘blaming’ them for the state we got ourselves into or the money we cost or the damage they did or the strange events we got into…….he went on to explain that if I didn’t publish “their” side of things then they would form an Italian Spinoni Union and they would work to rule, demand an increase in food allocation or just ignore us and generally mess the place up – more than they do now.

I couldn’t see the point of the threat as that’s how it is anyway!!!

But the thought of a Union? Now that was different, especially if they enrolled the nations Spins in to it……….Good Grief – we would get the blame for everything everywhere involving the Spin. The stakes were too high and I capitulated………I gave in, surrendered to the threat.

So that’s the Introduction and in Human form, here below and direct from the Spins themselves is the Spins eye view of their owners………….

See if there’s anyone you recognise or know!!!!!!


Dear Banker

Thank you for allowing us (albeit under duress) to use your notes page to put over our side of things – the way we view the world, our owners and how we live along side you. We feel this is long overdue having endured your notes and the way YOU see things about us and how you are living with us.

We can’t promise you that anything will change because you have published these notes from us, but we will feel a lot better – and that must count for something………….

So here goes, and we’ve written it/put it together in a format we all feel sure you will understand. After all, you’re not that intelligent if we just put it together in one piece!!!!!

So it’s broken down into sections, so you can understand better……….

Regards and good luck

On behalf of myself and the other Spins here

JJ Spinone

At Home

We concede that we have to share OUR home with you.

First and foremost you have to realise that it is OUR home and we let YOU share it with us.

Now we’re quite happy sleeping on the vet beds, they are warm and comfortable once they have been scrunched up and we’ve circled it 23 times before flopping down on it and getting comatose.

We appreciate the fact that you clean them regularly and although a nuisance at times when we have to share one you should realise that if we had one each it would be better. Don’t be put off that none of us could agree which one we want and in the end we would all sleep together on two of them and not use the other five!!

The fact is we want the other five there whether we use them or not……

Some of us like company and others don’t…..personally, I like my own space.


Over to Mia, Kallie, Savanna, Unica and Freya…….

We’re all allowed into the front room where there is a couch – two to be exact. Unfortunately the owners use one when we allow them to. But the room has a carpet, a nice warm log fire in the winter and plenty of toys to play with. The owners have put a toy basket out for us which we all use on a regular basis. Although, I like chewing the logs (Savanna) and I do NOT understand why I get moaned at by the Dearest One for leaving a little mess – it’s not my fault the logs fall apart during a good chewing……..

Your human visitors are nothing short of a nuisance.

You must in future tell us in advance that you’re having visitors so we can organise ourselves and make them feel welcome(ish)

If they bring a Spin with them then that’s fine – we have no issues. The more the merrier.
For us

These visitors take your biscuits and slices of cake. You know damned well that this level of politeness is very annoying to us as when you’re back is turned – or even when it isn’t – those treats are ours.

And then what do you do? For God’s sake you invite them to sit down!!

Those visitors of yours are sitting on OUR couch………and of course we join them on it. We do not however appreciate you interfering when we are trying to move them off it. So OK we stretch out a bit, I agree that we look utterly pathetic when looking at them and the piece of cake they are holding, we clear up the crumbs that are dropped until, and inevitably they give in and we get a piece………but they are so stupid?

They actually move in to a totally uncomfortable position to allow us more room to lay out!!!

How stupid is that??

Sometimes, when the boys are not allowed into the front room it becomes a real girls sanctuary, we love to chatter quietly away to ourselves. Talk about the boys out in the conservatory and kitchen area and steal the toys off each other. And when all is said and done it is a great place to chill out and sleep. We do sleep very well indeed and have perfected the art.

But look at the state of you lot?

You sit down, watch TV then get up again to make tea. Then you sit down again to eat it – and yes we know it’s not ours, but 10 out of 10 for trying!!

Then what do you do? You get up and again to take out everything you’ve bought in…….

And if that’s not enough you then come back in again and say things like “The washing up can wait, I’m tired” “Going to watch this on TV and then I’ll do it”

By now it’s getting annoying – you then get up again to go out and make a cup of tea!!!!

Are you lot stupid or what?……’s like you’ve got a nervous twitch. If we were like that you would keep telling us to ‘sit’

AND THEN……it just gets more and more stupid?

We twitch or move and what do you do?

“Oh now the dogs want to go out” !!!!!

You know, spectating from the sidelines you look so ridiculous as to defy reason. You can’t sit still for 5 minutes.

You should be like us and just chill out……….except for food – the rest can wait!!!

And when you do sleep – what do you do? You have to go to a specially prepared area in another room where you sleep on what you call a bed.

That amuses us……..why not just flop on the floor like we do? Or grab a vet bed….

Actually thinking about that we know why? It’s so we can have the couches when you’ve gone upstairs – perhaps you’re not so dumb after all!!

One complaint though?

That noisy thing you use to get the dog hairs off the floor. That’s a damned nuisance you know because:

a) It’s noisy
b) It moves us from what is usually a comfortable position
c) It’s useless because 5 minutes later we’ve put all the hairs back and
d) The thing picks up scrap bits of food that we pick up later ‘when we feel like it’

And don’t think we haven’t noticed that you eat your food at the table. We know it’s to try to keep it as far away from us as you can, which would be ideal if the table was two foot higher!!!

And don’t think we haven’t noticed your toiletry habits either…..oh no……we know what you’re doing. But why on earth do you get up (again) and go to another room just to relieve yourself? You would save so much more time and effort by coming outside with us and doing it, bit of the community spirit and all that…..communal relief.

Although we would stop short of the old bum sniffing – there’s no way on earth we’d let you do that. Not even to us!!!!

ALL The Spins – Kitchen

We have all mutually agreed that this is easily our favourite place……….

Food, food and even more food, and then there’s yours as well!!!!! Treats and drinks and if we’re lucky we get the after cooking bits also……..

Ah yes the Kitchen………OUR SHRINE……….if we were religious, this would be our church, our cathedral, our temple, our mosque – it would be where we paid homage to the vitamin and the protein and the calcium and the bloody excellent FOOD……….

But aren’t you lot a strange bunch in here as well?
- Gossip parlour
- Boudoir
- Shed half the clothes from coming in
- Put them back on again to go out
- Kettle abusing!!
- Sneaking little treats for himself……..whoops – sorry Banker

But most of all you prepare our FOOD in here. And yours – so for us it’s a win win!!

The cleaning gets a bit depressing though…….leave it alone will you.

What could possibly go wrong!!!!!

And the Kitchen is always warm, covered in vet beds? Because we’ve dragged them in from the conservatory and is a unique place for us being the centre of all food sources and the crossroads between the front room and the great outdoors……….

The Conservatory

This is excellent because we get to see the great outdoors, we’re next door to the food, it’s got windows all around it so we get to see everything and it allows some serious barking when a stranger calls………well, you’re all strange to us, even if they are your friends.

But recently it’s been turned into a grooming parlour and that was a disaster!!!

We now have to watch events unfold from the kitchen and although the food is a tempting distraction we can’t get at it. Which is fine until we find a way to open those cupboards!!! And we will…….

Now what really annoyed us was the addition in that “parlour” of the shower. We do NOT expect to be showered just because we fell in the pond and got all muddy. We’ve told you before to leave it to dry and it all falls off anyway. But then again we can’t win? Because when we are dry and the mud has fallen off, what do you go and do? Use that damned noisy thing to clean the floor.

But those dogs you have in to groom………..

Anyway, you enjoy it and at least we aren’t jealous!!! Coz the treats are worth the wait!!

And why are you always babbling away to each other, we can’t make head or tail of what you’re on about but it goes on for ages sometimes. We’re intrigued as to why you do it, we all agree that we’re better off altogether. We just independently get on with it and if we don’t like one another we say so, if we want to play with each other – we do. Simple

But you lot just moan and groan and with occasional laughs thrown in…….but you drone on for hours and hours. Is it any wonder we just flop down on the floor and sleep. Think about it?

Coats and Clothes

One coat cover all – and several layers for you lot

Oh God we do laugh when you go out??

You should look at yourselves…….fancy clothes, not so fancy clothes, shoes, boots (we like those and have chewed many to bits)

There is one thing we all find very amusing??

We always have a giggle at the fact you have to cover your skin. Except when you wash and shower……..what the hell’s all that about?

In the winter you’re covered in clothes, in the summer you’re still covered but not as much.
For us it’s easy – one coat covers all………..and White and Orange is the new black!!!

And Brown Rhone the new………er……………brownish colour!!!!

Ah yea and on the subject of the skin covering? It takes you ages to get into them and even longer when it’s raining, icy, windy and whatever else. It’s pathetic to watch as you dress for the weather – you really are an odd bunch.

Even when we go out in the Landy with you, what do you do?

Put extra clothes in and when you get out the Landy – you put them on to take them off when you get back in again. And oh my God…… even change from boots to shoes as well if we’ve been on walkabout. Talk about confused………..

Now look at us. Oh naturelle……….one coat for all seasons. 4 feet readily equipped. No changing, no washing (except that bloody shower – and what’s wrong with the smell of fox poo anyway)?

By the time you lot have got ready to go out with all your clothes and footwear we’ve already forgotten we’re going out!!

Until you put the treats bag in the Landy then it all comes back to us!!


We arrive somewhere and we already know where we are because we can scent the change in the air. You lot couldn’t scent the air if it hit you

And what do we have to listen to??

a) Your babbling away to each other – we’re trying to rest before the walkabout, you should show respect and keep quiet

b) Music – what a row (The Dearest One clearly has either no taste in it or one of you is well out of key – we howl a better tune)!!

c) Some ‘other woman’ we don’t know telling you where to go or to turn around because you missed the turning

d) Then when we arrive you let us out and we loiter around the Landy waiting for you to get dressed and put your boots on……..then grab a rucksack, then a flask, then the leads (what for we don’t know, but you take them anyway) and poo bags!!!

e) POO BAGS – how sick is that?? What on earth are you thinking?? Do we go to your toilet and put your poo in bags?? SIIIICCCCCKKKKKKKKK

That last point is really sick with you picking up our poo and putting it in a little green bag.

What the hell do you do with it for God sake??

From our perspective you’ve been watching too much CSI………

And what a state you get into walking with us as well…….you struggle up the hills, pant your way down them. Stop and talk to complete strangers. No wonder we keep out of the way, we don’t know where they’ve been and you know you shouldn’t talk to strangers!! We don’t……

Then just as we get going, what do you do?? Sit down at a bench – you’ve got about as much go as a well used wind-up toy.

And, and, and – we do NOT need to be called back every 5 minutes. We know EXACTLY where you are at all times, unlike you lot who half the time only know where you’ve been!!

There are times we worry about you when we’re out because you ‘think’ (dangerous habit in some humans we’ve seen) we might go near, or up to another dog………Oh come on, you have to be kidding surely? We’re Spins – we don’t do other dogs – you’re either a Spin - and that’s it really.

“I am a Spin, therefore I am”

Now don’t get us wrong…..some of those strangers you stop and babble away to carry treats for their own d-o-g-s (is that what they really are)?

And guess what? We get some as well

Actually on reflection – ignore the last bit – we’ll put up with it!!

A walk Around Town

Oh no…….these are awful. We hate this with a passion……..

We have to be put on leads.

The only amusement for us is when you ‘think’ we’re going to shake our heads and throw slobber at everyone within a 2 metre radius. Now that’s a laugh we have to admit because you can only do one of two things?

1. Pull us out the way (if you’re lucky) or
2. You have to apologise

And don’t think we haven’t seen you lot spit!! So what’s the difference?

One interesting feature for us is the fact you don’t stop and sniff each other. Now we reckon that’s because there’s too many of you and if you stopped to sniff everyone in town for that day we would be there for 3 days!!!

We don’t even stop to sniff other dogs…… our eyes their not!! So we don’t bother

We love the small kids who think we’re going to rob them or mug them – as soon as they see us and when we get close they throw their hands in the air to surrender. Pathetic…..we blame the parents

We get annoyed, bored, frustrated when we’re stopped because someone wants to know what we are??

We’re desperate to talk like you at that point (Censored)!!!!!!!

And swiftly moving on…………..then there’s the ultimate tease?? You always walk us past that bloody pie shop and then get annoyed with us because we’ve pulled you across the road (narrowly avoiding a truck, 2 cars and a bus) to get into the place.

Amazing how much strength you humans have when you need it!! Well done………

Although that nice lady who owns the pie shop in the town further away, now she likes us, and is always pleased to see us – and we like her!!! A lot.

We should go there more often………that’s a walk worth doing!!

We don’t like the beach so much in the town, too many stones, pebble beach and all that. But the one further down is good fun……..for us

We all agree that the best thing about a walk around the town on leads is the fact we get treats or find them on the pavement.
And why can’t we go with you in the shops?

We won’t offend anyone. Might slobber a bit…..but hey, what’s a bit of slobber between friends?

Yea – we know, if we slobber they’re not your friends anymore

And anyway it’s Doggist not being allowed into the shops…….

Probably have to get a petition up to get that changed OR get the shop owners to put a sticker in the window? “This is a dog friendly shop”

And we already know that’s about as likely as you lot understanding us!!!!

Actually – and thinking about this for a moment? There is ONE shop we’re allowed in? And WE all agree it’s worth a visit and we will petition to have one of these shops put in every town.
Pets At Home

Yes – PAH.

We can happily, no wait, we DO happily shoplift to our hearts content in those places. The toys are all so easily accessible, the smell of the food is rampant and to top it all – those silly green people give us treats!!!

So let’s look at that again shall we……….we shoplift AND get a treat for it. Brilliant

And the town, although nice is not where we want to be, our house on the hill with its runabout areas where we can do what we want when we want………..coz we can is great

If we try to cross the road because that’s where the smell is coming from there are so many of those motorised tin tops about it becomes dangerous – and we don’t do danger. We’ve all agreed that we of the Awelymor Spinone club aren’t townies!!

The Land Rover

What an excellent piece of kit that is.

Plenty of space, we all fit nicely and it takes us out and about as and when we please!!

The latter comment because we’ve normally held a meeting during the day at some point and all agreed we should look thoroughly bored and put on sad and ‘We’re bored’ faces.

And it works a treat for us………you’re only human after all, and of course you have a conscience, we love not having one!! As you’ve no doubt noticed

So let’s have a look at the Landy bit of these notes……we’ve looked bored. And as usual your weakness has failed you again and we’re all off out.

So it’s in with the clothes that you haven’t put on, but will do when we stop. It’s in with the boots and ditto the last comment. Then the rucksacks. Bags of treats. Bags for poo. Bags of some bloody awful things the Dearest One has got from her local sweetie shop. A large water container. 2 water bowls. Vet beds. Travel mugs. Several 5 litre flasks of tea. Leads (what the hell for)? And last but not least?


And now for our list:


Oh yea……….US (what’s wrong with this picture)

And off we go……….have you ever thought that if we all just got in and drove off we would get there sooner, have longer to tear off and run round and you’d still get back on time!!

Aha – you never thought of that did you? Idiots

But we like the Landy.

Although there is just ONE exception to that?

The vets

The Show Ring Thing

What the hell is that all about?

Look at it from our perspective – you throw us in that bloody shower so we smell like a spring flower, you brush us out, cut our hair, trim bits around bits, clip nails, cut hair from between our feet, have a curious moment or two around our private bits and then stand back and admire all your work??


Then after all that you put us in the Landy and travel for ages to a place we don’t even know to meet other Spins who’ve no doubt looking at them have had the same appalling treatment and then we’re put on a lead and marched towards some stranger who then tells you we’re either nice or we ain’t!!!
And that’s after we’ve been stood in a ring as if we’re in an exhibition, we then have to prance round that ring looking like a dancing horse (or dragged round it if we don’t feel like it because we still have that damned lead on) then, and wait for it? The ‘Judge’ then feels us all over.

How embarrassing is that?

And it goes on and on……stand again, binned or made to go on drag about again. Then stand again and when all else fails and there’s nothing left to do the ‘judge’ points at us.

If YOU’RE lucky!!

And it’s us you’re showing!!! How bizarre is that…….

Then you – yes you – get the round coloured crinkly thing. That’s it……………

No Oscar, No Emmy, No MBE, No CBE, buggar all. Just a round crinkly thing. It’s pathetic

So after all the cleaning and the drive there and the poncing about – a crinkly thing. Great

And, and, and……………it makes you happy. Weird or what?

We could of course go home afterwards. But oh no….not you. You then go and spend an eternity babbling with Spin owners. As for us lot we couldn’t care less……….Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



All in all you lot are a weird bunch.

1. Your can’t go out without ‘clothes’
2. You can’t sit still for 5 minutes
3. You keep babbling to each other – if not directly then you’ve got some plastic thing stuck to the side of your head
4. You annoy us with your friendships (couch and food especially)
5. You have odd habits we don’t understand – especially the toiletry bits, so why don’t you come out with us? (What, no bags)?
6. You put us on a lead but you’re not wearing one
7. You keep changing our house around
8. You insist on cleaning and preening us
9. But we’re not allowed to be with you when you’re cleaning and preening
10. You eat at a table, not out of a bowl – on the floor
11. You don’t sleep on the floor or a vet bed
12. You depend on something you call money and constantly moan about it

There is a however to all of the above that we have all agreed upon?
You do need an understanding of what’s what with us, they’re not rules, more like laws!!!

And these are ours that you must learn and understand:

The Awelymor Spinones Property Laws:

1. If I like it, it’s mine
2. If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine
3. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine
4. If I can take it from you, it’s mine
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours
6. If it just looks like mine, it’s mine
7. If I saw it first, it’s mine
8. If it’s edible, it’s mine
9. If you have something and put it down, it’s mine
10. If I chew something up, all the pieces are mine
11. If I get tired of it, it’s yours
12. If I want it back it’s mine

But other than that?

We put up with you, have to live with you and to be honest you’re a great source of amusement for us.

And that in summary, is why you’re with us?

You really are an odd bunch with a never ending supply of amusement!!!

Thank you and regards

JJ Spinone

AND - The Spins of Awelymor -‘From the house on the hill’



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